Barack Obama won’t support separation of church and state. Mitt Romney has no respect for the separation of Church and state, saying that he wants the federal government to engage in religious worship “in ceremony and word.” Ron Paul has gone so far as to introduce legislation to hobble separation of church and state, allowing government to discriminate against religious minorities without any option for remedy in the courts.
So, who is going to stand up for separation of church and state in the 2012 presidential election? Given that there isn’t any other third party candidate who is even speaking about the issue, it seems that it’s up to just one alternative: The Krampus for President campaign.
Krampus, in a speech before the East Lansing Optimist Society, stated his support for the separation of church and state in unequivocal terms. “What business of the government’s is it to tell you whether you ought to have trust in one god or another? I’ve known plenty of gods in my time, and believe you me, there’s not one of them I would put my trust in. If you want to be gullible, that’s fine. That’s your right. Go ahead and trust any god you like. Trust Jubbleboot, the god of velcro shoes, if you like. He’s nice enough. Just keep the government out of it!”
Krampus hung an Obama for President christmas tree ornament from one horn, and a Mitt Romney for President ornament from the other horn, saying, “On religious freedom, there’s not one ounce of difference between these two guys. They’re so afraid of Christian voters that they would name the Baby Jesus as their running mate, if Jesus was an American citizen. The way he’s acting these days, I expect Obama to install a giant crucifix on the White House roof, instead of those solar panels that he promised a while ago. They seem to think that the 2012 presidential election is a contest over who loves Jesus the most. Heck, I’m from Austria, and even I know that’s not the American way.”
“I’m the real alternative in 2012,” Krampus said, kicking the podium to the side with one of his cloven hooves. “Elect me, and I’ll give you a bottle of scotch on every doorstep, and I’ll keep private prayers out of my Presidency. It’s a promise!”