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Consubstantial Friday

Forget Black Friday. I declare today to be Consubstantial Friday.

The Catholic Church is changing its eternal truth this week, so that the Nicene Creed no longer declares Jesus and God to be of one being, but to be instead “Consubstantial”.

jesus and the lord get it onYou know what they say… In 22 states, if two spirits are consubstantial for 7 years, they become legally married. If you doubt me, I can consubstantiate that with some hard evidence.

To celebrate Consubstantial Friday, I announce a special contest:

The person who makes the best use of the word consubstantial in a sentence will receive a Papal Dispensation for any minor sin, up to, but not including, marital infidelity with an assistant coach in a university athletics program. Please allow two to four weeks for delivery. Offer void where prohibited. Limit of 23 entries per family. Consult your dentist after participating. Sexual side effects may occur. Make your entry in the comment box below.

4 thoughts on “Consubstantial Friday”

  1. Dove says:

    Are the sexual side effects consubstantial?

    1. Herbie the Cosmic Iguana says:

      To get specific, mucous builds up between your consubstania.

  2. BAB says:

    In the prison yard the consubstatial won every wrestling match with the smaller cons.

  3. Cat Dogmatic says:

    Young Jesus Hernandez could not consubstatiate his claims against the Father of his local parish. His case was dismissed.

    Consubstantially, there are sixteen similar cases currently pending.

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