The War On Christmas has begun again. This year, Joan Clayton, a columnist from Portales, New Mexico, warns us of liberal “thought police”, and then explains how she likes to spend her winter holiday season: “I love greeting and hugging people with a jolly ‘Merry Christmas.’ If they come back with ‘Happy Holidays,’ I say ‘No! You tell me “Merry Christmas!”‘”
That’s what Christmas is all about, you see. You start with a hug, then when someone hugs you back, you tell them what nice things they’re allowed to say and what nice things they’re not allowed to say.
I suppose that we liberal thought police could never understand the warmth and happy feelings that must emerge from such an encounter.
Well, if Joan Clayton and her ilk don’t like us using a general greeting of goodwill, I propose that we all get much more theologically specific. What we need is a specific greeting that communicates the deep spiritual message of the holiday… not just some namby pamby “Merry Christmas”. That just makes people think of the pagan worship of Santa Claus and egg nog with too much rum in it, right?
In order to meet the high expectations of Joan Clayton, I propose the following theological holiday greeting: “Happy Sacrificial Baby Day… For lo, a child is born, for no other purpose than to be tortured and executed on a sacrificial crucifix in a weird ceremony of blood that’s supposed to compensate for our own feelings of guilt.”
Do you think that will work for her, or is it too much of the real meaning of Christmas?
Away in a manger… get the spikes ready, ho, ho, ho!