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Newt Gingrich for President of the Moon

Shrink the size of the federal government – that was the plan Newt Gingrich promised to stick to. Gingrich said we needed to cut wasteful government spending. Frivolous federal projects would have to go, along with the Department of Education, the EPA, Social Security and Medicare.

Cut, cut, cut!

Then, Newt Gingrich discovered that the voters of Florida wanted some pork barrel spending on big NASA projects. Gingrich wanted the votes of people in Florida, so that he could defeat Mitt Romney in the Republican presidential primary to be held there next Tuesday.

satirical anti-gingrich campaign buttonSo, Newt Gingrich came up with a new promise: Gingrich promised that, if he is elected President, he will have the federal government build a huge permanent colony on the Moon, a base for a new human community that would… collect Moon dust. What’s more, this Moon base would be built in less than eight year.

One thing Gingrich hasn’t been able to explain is how, with the space shuttles out of commission, with the Department of Education destroyed, and with spending on science slashed to a fraction of its previous levels, the federal government could possibly get a permanent human colony on the moon in just eight years. Gingrich hasn’t shared the math that explains how this big government project of his can take place while Gingrich reduces taxes and cuts the size of the budget deficit.

Remember when your mother warned you against trusting people who promise you the Moon? I hope the people of Florida remember that advice, because that’s exactly the maneuver that Newt Gingrich is trying to pull.

So, Newt Gingrich wants to be President so that he can build home for himself on the Moon? Fine. Let’s give it to him. Only, let’s not make him President of the United States of America. Let’s make Newt Gingrich President of the Moon, and then have the Russians ship him off on a Soyuz rocket to serve out his term there, in a capsule on the side of the crater, the ruler of all he can see.

Newt Gingrich for President of the Moon… also available as a tshirt, not made on the Moon, but by American Apparel, right here in the USA.

8 comments to Newt Gingrich for President of the Moon

  • Well you make valid points about how Newt Gingrich wouldn’t be able to do this without said things, but I don’t understand how people are all like “da fuck!? Moon base?!” We should have colonized the moon after landing on it, not four decades later.

    • WHY should we colonize the moon? Why should we spend huge amounts of money to keep people in such a faraway, biologically unsustainable environment when we don’t even have enough money to maintain affordable college education here on Earth?

      • Why? Because it’s a complete fantasy to think mankind is going to survive on Earth indefinitely, or even in the next 100 – 200 years, no matter what path we take in society. But America, and really the planet at large more or less doesn’t care about science and exploration anymore, and people are incredibly short-sighted, so it’s most likely a pipe-dream to even think mankind has a chance :p The only reason we even went into space as quick as we did was because the Soviet Union, despite all the flaws with their society, actually did care about science and exploration and the advancement of mankind, it’s just their system sucked at it.

        As for money in college, what gives you the idea we don’t have the money for it? It’s not that we don’t, it’s just that the people in power aren’t giving the money to do it.

      • Also the USA isn’t the entire planet, most places on Earth give affordable or free higher education, I mean come on, you can’t be that ignorant to think otherwise.

  • WCG

    Jon Stewart had the right idea, I think. Newt Gingrich is just getting tired of his old planet and wants to switch to a younger one. :)

    I’m a SF fan and a big space enthusiast, but there’s no good economic reason to colonize the Moon. If there were, we’d be doing it already.

    Heck, the only reason we went to the Moon the first time was because of national rivalries. It was a “race,” and like most races, you go home again afterwards.

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