Gingrich Is Too Smart For You To Comprehend
Poor old Newty Gingrich. No one understands him.
And whose fault is that? It’s not his own fault, of course. Gingrich is too busy promoting a culture of accountability to be blamed for his own failure.
No, his rejection by voters across America, Gingrich tells us, is due to the voters’ little brains. “The thing I find most disheartening of this campaign is the difficulty of talking about large ideas on a large scale, because the news media can’t cover it and candidly, my opponents can’t comprehend it.”
Indeed, how can anyone expect a soooper genius such Newt Gingrich to be able to express ideas so titanic in their scale that they would cause the spontaneous explosion of Americans’ skulls if they were to be transmitted in their pure form? It would be unethical!
Certainly, we cannot expect a man of Newt Gingrich’s towering intellect to successfully explain himself using nothing more than an ongoing series of prime time debates, daily appearances on national television, and millions upon millions of dollars. No! These petty journalists are dazzled by the concentrated brain power expressed by Gingrich when he presents ideas such as solving America’s budget deficit by creating a permanent moon colony.
If you can’t understand why anyone would vote for Newt Gingrich, why, that’s just a sign that you’re too stupid to understand why anyone would vote for Newt Gingrich, and that in itself is good reason for you to listen to your superiors and vote for Newt Gingrich. The less comprehensible a political candidate appears to be, the more worthy they are of your support.
(Full disclosure: This article has been sponsored by the Raving Idiots for Newt Gingrich super PAC)