At a press conference about the crash of an F/A-18D military jet onto an apartment complex in Virginia Beach, US Navy Admiral John Harvey referred to the crash as an “amazing miracle” and an “Easter miracle”.
As a result, priests and preachers everywhere this morning are scrambling, rewriting their sermons before their Sunday services to explain that the real meaning of Easter includes the divine blessing of having a gigantic piece of military weaponry drop out of the sky onto your home.
At the press conference, Virginia Beach Mayor Will Sessoms agreed with the admiral. Just to make the point clear that he wasn’t just talking about dumb luck, but a bona fide religious miracle, the mayor explained, “We’re so blessed and truly believe a miracle has occurred here with us not having any victims.” It was a particularly Christian miracle, too, apparently. A “Good Friday miracle”, according to the mayor.
When they say that God works in mysterious ways, they weren’t kidding. Apparently, the all-powerful creator of the universe likes to destroy people’s homes, causing pieces of equipment that cost tens of millions of dollars to malfunction, sending pilots careening toward the ground, causing terror and misery just in order to deliver a message to the people of Earth that… uh… you know… something or other. That’s mysterious, all right.