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What’s Forbidden About Nostradamus Prophecies?

The other day as I was waiting with my kohlrabi to check out of the grocery line, I came across this colorful front-page headline in The Sun:

Nostradamus Forbidden Prophecies Summer 2012: Life-changing events they don't WANT you to know about

Exactly what about Nostradamus’ prophecies for Summer 2012 is forbidden?

Is Nostradamus himself forbidden? Well, golly, it’s not like he’s going to move anywhere, being dead and all.

Is it forbidden for you to read Nostradamus’ prophecies? Er, no. All of Nostradamus’ quatrains (four-line poems, folks) — are available for you to read right here.

Maybe they’re just forbidden during the Summer of 2012. If so, then you should check back this time next month and see if the above link works. A broken link? It must be a conspiracy? No broken link = nothing “forbidden.”

I just can’t figure out what’s forbidden here. If you know the answer to this riddle, let me know. There surely must be an answer; our newspapers never lie to us.

8 thoughts on “What’s Forbidden About Nostradamus Prophecies?”

  1. t ball says:

    It should be forbidden to waste your time reading such drivel.

  2. Richard Winger says:

    If you were waiting in line, why didn’t you just pick up that issue and open it up and read it? And if it was too long to read before you reached the front of the line, why not just buy it?

    1. Jim Cook says:

      Not long enough a wait to read — never is much of a wait in my small town. I didn’t buy it because, well, I don’t buy it.

      1. F.G. Fitzer says:

        Oh, Jim, how simple of you to believe that! It was foretold that you would not pick up that issue and read it. Nostradamus, after all, wrote:

        A camel having found water
        will elicit a sigh from the passing caravan
        reaching skyward to find
        fermented date palms.

        That’s why you could not have read the article, Jim. What other interpretation is possible?

  3. Bill says:

    It is forbidden to stand in a check-out line without picking up some candy, a Slim Jim, and a copy of the Sun.

    1. F.G. Fitzer says:

      And lo, there shall be a time of choice between paper and plastic, and behold, the virtuous man shall have brought his own canvas in which to place the Slim Jim alongside the Sun.

  4. Tom says:

    Laugh now, fellow lemmings, for our days are indeed numbered.
    Yet it is not for us to count.
    And since we don’t count anyway,
    Laugh even more!
    (loosely translated from some obscure French dialect written in reverse in indecipherable code)

  5. Curt says:

    Why does Nostradamus look so pissed off?

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