Browse By

Krampus Challenges Vlad The Impaler To Presidential Fiend Primary Election

Yesterday, vampire lord Vlad the Impaler announced his intention to campaign for President of the United States in 2012. Some observers wondered whether such a candidacy could have a point. Then, the Transylvanian Count flashed his fangs, and there was no more question of where the point was.

demonic presidential candidateCertainly, Krampus understands the point of Vlad the Impaler’s presidential campaign. The spirit of Yuletide mischief is taking Count Dracula’s challenge quite seriously, and has brought in a team of lawyers in an attempt to disable the vampiric campaign before it begins.

The Krampus for President legal team has identified a little-known constitutional requirement to thwart the Impaler 2012 campaign. Section 3 of the 23rd amendment to the Constitution states that “No more than one non-human fiend may be on the final ballot for any public office. Whenever more than one non-human fiend is campaigning for public office, all non-human fiend candidates shall be considered to belong to the same political party, and must compete against each other for the right to represent that party in the general election.”

The Krampus 2012 campaign is betting that, in a fiend primary, Vlad the Impaler would be at a disadvantage, given his inability to campaign during daylight hours.

Vlad the Impaler contests his legal status as a non-human fiend, given that, although he is now an undead creature of the night, he was born a human being. Both Krampus and Vlad the Impaler are expected to appear in the 6th Circuit Court tomorrow, where the legal status of Vlad the Impaler will be decided.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!