Across the USA, American flags are flying, unprotected.
The thought gives me shivers. What could happen to all those flags, and what would happen to the United States of America if it didn’t have those flags? It would be a disaster, a catastrophe. It would be worse than Godzilla tromping all over Dallas. Babies would cry. Puppies and kittens would die!
To deal with the very very serious problem of unprotected flags, Senator Jon Tester has introduced S. 3296, legislation to “provide for the protection of the flag of the United States”. The law would require a hundred thousand dollar fine and a prison term of up to a year, as punishment for any act that harms an American flag in a context that creates a “breach of the peace” or seems intended to.
If you hadn’t guessed, Senator Tester is running for re-election this year. Tester says that the extraordinary fine and prison term is necessary, because many Americans experience a quavering in their “emotional well-being” when they see an American flag being damaged.
Of course, Senator Tester’s legislation does nothing to really prevent harm to American flags. It focuses only on punishment after the fact, providing no flag security to protect these beloved pieces of cloth.
If Senator Tester really wants to protect American flags, he should introduce a new bill requiring all people who display an American flag to construct an iron cage around it, with barbed wire snaking around every flag pole. Only such a measure would keep our American flags safe, and protect the precious emotional well-being of flag worshipers.
Only with a cage for every flag can the citizens of the USA sleep in peace.