Brand Bucket Babble Baubles
Am I the only person who becomes more suspicious of a message when I see it being advertised?
My suspicions were quickly raised by the promoted tweet (Twitter advertisement) I saw recently for a business that calls itself Brand Bucket. The first question I always have about advertisements on social media in particular is why, if the subject of advertisement is really worth paying attention to, aren’t people already speaking about it spontaneously? Why is the manager behind the advertisement having to pay money to achieve fake social promotion?
The concept of Brand Bucket specifically seemed poorly conceived. A brand is supposed to be a unique identity that occupies an socially and psychologically relevant piece of conceptual territories. Brands are supposed to be individual things, not commodities that can just be tossed into a bucket and sold by the pound.
It turns out that Brand Bucket doesn’t actually sell brands. It sells brand names, which are as comparatively worthless compared to actual brands as names of countries are to the countries themselves. A person may sell you the name of North Proostia, but owning that name doesn’t actually bring the nation of North Proostia into existence.
Proostia is just the sort of silly name that you might find for sale at Brand Bucket. You see, Brand Bucket specializes in the sale of extraordinarily ridiculous nonsense names – at ridiculously extraordinary prices.
On its front page, Brand Bucket lists the domain name Stimply.com for sale for $1285. Brand Bucket says that the name Stimply suggests “honesty, clarity and ease”. That’s not the first image that comes to mind when I say the babble-word “stimply”, though. I picture a gawky 16 year-old with a face covered with little skin infections – stimples. The brand name Stimply should scream to venture capitalists: Do Not Invest!
Why pay $1285 to gain control over the Stimply.com domain name – a domain name that somebody else has already abandoned after discovering its uselessness? If you wanted a domain name that suggested simplicity, you could just go ahead and register the domain name Schimply.com for $9.99. Of course, your new web site, if you should choose to spend the extra money to create it, might become associated with simple chimps, but then, chimpanzees have a more positive association with most people than pimples.
Brand Bucket is selling the name Exordior.com for even mordior: $1750. What is ax exordior, though? Is it someone who used to tell other people what to do? Is it the lingering sense of a bad smell?
Practically no one is going to gain any special attachment to any Exordior brand out of the obscure knowledge that Exordior is a form of a dead language’s verb for beginning an action. You could buy the similar domain name Exordiom instead. It wouldn’t have any more or less meaning, but at least you would save $1740.01 from the domain name registration price.
What’s in a name? Vuid isn’t a real word, but if it was, it might refer to a vile, viscous fluid. Brand Bucket is selling it for $7495.
That’s yucky, but my favorite of the luxury babble baubles available over at Brand Bucket is Sellsy.com, for which they’re asking $8995. I think that Brand Bucket is rather sellsy, and I swear to Vuid, that’s not good.