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Shocking Questions For Anyone Who Is Not A Prepper?

Every time I hear someone use the phrase “prepper”, my mind goes back to an advertising campaign for Dr. Pepper: I’m a prepper. He’s a prepper. She’s a prepper. We’re all preppers. Wouldn’t you like to be a prepper too?

“Prepper” is just too peppy a name for what it describes: Someone who is convinced that the end of civilization as we know it is just around the corner, and is stockpiling weapons and supplies to prepare for the disasters soon to come. Preppers make up a large part of the National Rifle Association’s constituency. They can believe that Barack Obama is going to send “jack booted thugs” into their homes to steal their guns because they also can believe that the Antichrist is getting ready to begin the fun and games of the End Times.

Preppers have a low threshold for belief, I think, because the pattern recognition routines in their brains have gone haywire, and they’ve become used to making connections between everything and anything, creating intricate flowcharts of paranoia in which everything becomes evidence that only a fool would not keep a year’s supply of food, water and assault weapons in an underground bunker.

This hyperconnectivity is on exhibit in a list of 50 Shocking Questions That You Should Ask To Anyone Who Is Not A Prepper Yet. The idea is that these questions, in themselves, are so shocking in their implications that they will spontaneously cause people to hoard food and weapons in little hidey holes.

Among these “shocking questions”:

- Why has Germany announced that it will be moving gold from New York and Paris to its own vaults back home?

- Why are more Americans not outraged that nearly 400 TSA employees have been fired for stealing from travelers since 2003?

- Why is the UN trying to take control of the Internet?

- Why can so few Americans explain how money is created in the United States?

- Why did a violent riot break out at an event where government-subsidized section 8 housing vouchers were being handed out in a suburb of Detroit earlier this month?

- Why was a Forbes article that made a connection between the use of psychiatric drugs and the mass shootings that we have seen in recent years almost immediately taken down from the Internet?

- Why don't more Americans know about the quadrillion dollar derivatives bubble?

Did these questions work? Are you quivering on the floor in your basement, hugging a rifle, yet?

7 comments to Shocking Questions For Anyone Who Is Not A Prepper?

  • Bill

    No, but I did find that donning my gas mask helped muffle the sound of my guffaws.

  • Tom

    Prepping, like civilization, isn’t sustainable. Once the lights go out and water doesn’t flow out of the tap any more, prepping turns into prolonging the agony. It’s still a ways off, so sit back and enjoy your days on the good ol’ unsinkable Titanic Global Industrial Civilization.

  • Tom

    forgot to add:

    http://brutus.wordpress.com/

    for your consideration

  • mack

    I don’t associate “preppers” with end of the world as we know it armageddon types. It’s just responsible planning for yourself and loved ones particularly if you live in an area prone to natural disasters (like I do. Hurricanes) and even more so now as the effects of unchecked climate change will become more of an everyday reality.

    • Bill

      But there is an important – and, I would argue, qualitative – difference between a neo-classic ‘prepper,’ who anticipates the imminent collapse of civilization (AKA ‘end of the world’, as if ‘civilization’ and ‘world’ are synonyms) and, however improbably, intends to survive it (as if ‘self’ is not a subset of ‘world’) versus the guy who keeps fresh batteries in his flashlights in anticipation of the next power outage…or who, like me, takes it just a little further and keeps a month’s supply of food and water and other necessities on hand in recognition of the demonstrable truth that Katrina or Fukushima happens. The former yearn for the disappearance of a world from which they are utterly alienated, while the latter are invested in that world and wish to ride out the occasional temporary hiccup in its functioning, in order to re-join it on the other side. Like the early Christians, the preppers have constructed an ornate mythology promising their own personal salvations beyond the end of this world, whereas we mere battery-stockpilers don’t expect any miracles.

      The similarities between the two world-views are obvious, but I would argue that the differences are important.

  • Networking with your neighbors is smart, but use common sense. How well do you know your neighbors? Will your neighbor turn on you if the lights go out? How much do you want your neighbor to know about you and your preparations? What if your neighbor is not prepping at all and decides that you are the easiest place to get food? So move slowly in your networking, and do so smartly.

    • What if your neighbor is secretly a cannibal? Will they eat you if the lights go out?

      Don’t find out! Be a prepper! Keep your bedside lamp on! Lights always keep cannibals from feasting.

      Good thoughts, Gene.

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