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After Gay Marriage, Looking for the Man-Dog Marriage Movement in Maine

Opponents of same-sex marriage have repeatedly asserted that if two men or two women are allowed to wed, bestial marriages will come next:

Stardust Dolittle, March 29 2013:

“The only thing is this will open new doors on other people’s rights to marry their dogs or camels, or for 40 years old men to marry a 7 year old, they will demand that rights also. Equal rights to all would be whatever that person’s sexual preferences are. Knock, Knock, Who’s There… immorrality”

I.M. Kane, “Conservatarian,” July 11 2012:

“When the only basis for marriage is love or the desire of the parties to get married, it logically follows that polygamy, polyandry, incest, and bestiality would eventually be permissible….

Do I need to remind you that my opinions are based on careful research and facts, not on personal beliefs or prejudices? My opinions are not arrived at haphazardly and are not based on feelings or parroted rhetoric.

You mock my reasoning as “dredged-up” and suggest that it is fallacious because I’m using slippery slope reasoning to argue that same-sex marriage will lead to incestuous marriages, polygamy, and even human-animal marriages. Granted a slippery slope argument is considered a fallacious form of reasoning; however, the slippery slope argument is logically valid where a chain of logical relationships or relevant probabilities has been established.”

Nick Openshaw, December 13 2012:

“Just curious, but what is keeping me from having the right to “marry” a monkey, or my dog, or my hand? not that I personally would want any of those things, but when do we draw the line on “marriage” and “marriage” rights?

Could i not marry my dog and give him/her all of the benefits my human spouse would have?”

cinbadl, March 13 2013:

I’m not taking away anyone’s rights. Okay, so by your “logic” that we all have rights…..say, for example I’m a swinger, that means I have sex with a lot of people in one setting. Hey, it’s how I am….do I have a right to marry my group? Say for example I’m into bestiality, you know, have sex with animals, can I also marry my dog? It’s my right, right?

Here in Maine, same-sex marriages were made legal on Election Day 2012. I’ve decided to start looking for man-dog marriages and man-monkey marriages. I looked down my road today to see if a camel and his wife might be strolling my way, hand in hoof, or lip, or nostril, or whatever they’d hold.

Are they there?

Looking down a road in Maine

How odd: same-sex marriages are legal where I live, but there are no human-monkey marital pairings in sight.

Perhaps the Maine State Legislature is taking up a bill to allow me to take the vows with a parakeet? Nope: a search through all bills before the legislature reveals no bills at all having to do with marriage at all.

How odd. The human-moose weddings must all still be in the planning stages. That’s it. They all just haven’t settled on a date yet. Maybe the betrothed couples are consumed by little fights over details; how do you figure out the catering when the bride’s side likes lobster but the groom’s side will only eat water lilies?

2 comments to After Gay Marriage, Looking for the Man-Dog Marriage Movement in Maine

  • Bill

    My dog and I had a heart-to-Hartz conversation over a couple of bowls of chianti on the kitchen floor last night and decided marriage just isn’t right for us. We love each other deeply but he likes to stray; I just can’t accept that and I know he’ll never change. Plus I’m getting older and can’t chase cars with him the way we used to, so we seem to have ever less in common as time goes on. Also, I’m more serious than he is by nature; his cavalier attitude makes me feel quite insecure at times, and that’s not what I’m looking for in a life-long relationship. So we’ve decided to just enjoy the good times until, inevitably, someday some bitch lures him away from me.

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