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The Geographical Relativity Of Congressman Doug Collins

Yesterday saw a rare warping in the physical dimensions of space, when U.S. Representative Doug Collins rose to give a speech on the floor of the House of Representatives. The speech was entitled, “We’re Not In Kansas Anymore, Toto”. Learned readers will already know that the House of Representatives is in Washington D.C., not in Kansas.

Congressman Collins didn’t want to talk about Washington D.C., though. He wanted to talk about Georgia. “I wanted to take some time to share some of the lessons that I’ve learned and the progress we’re making in achieving goals that I spent over a year talking about on the campaign trail to friends and family and the supporters and the constituents of our northeast Georgia community,” Collins began. “Twenty counties make up northeast Georgia and the Ninth Congressional District. It’s a very diverse area. It’s an area in which we have what we call from the highlands to the islands. We have lakes, we have lowlands, we have the start of the Appalachian Trail. We have a place where movies are created. We have a place where I really believe dreams are fostered…”

Collins went on and on, talking about Georgia’s geography, with added statements of sentiment such as “I love fire” and “all we’ve had is a Pez dispenser of scandal”, warning his colleagues that “we disconnect ourselves from the dinner table and the coffee shops”.

He never did mention Kansas, though. Georgia, and Washington D.C., yes, and even Arkansas, but never Kansas.

When was the last time Doug Collins was in Kansas, Toto?

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