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5 Things You Might Wish You Never Found Out About This Morning

What are the top 10 pieces of news you absolutely need to know about this morning? I have no idea. I don’t know who you are, and what you need. I can, however, offer you the following list of 5 Things You Might Wish You Never Found Out About This Morning:

1. The FISA court has declassified one of its rulings… well, partially declassified it. There are still blocks of text in the document that have been covered up, to conceal information from the American people. One particularly insightful sentence reads: “For example, the government App. at 13 n.4.” Thanks for sharing, FISA!

You may be asking yourself, since when are court rulings concealed from the citizenry in the USA? You’ve forgotten that you live in the Homeland now.

fisa court redactedAnyway, one of the things that doesn’t remain censored in this FISA court ruling is that, according to the FISA court judges, not one telecommunications corporation has ever challenged National Security Agency demands to turn over massive amounts of their customers’ personal telephone records. Verizon, AT&T, US Cellular, TMobile and all the rest have betrayed their customers’ privacy every time that they’ve been asked to by government spies, even though the NSA never showed any of these corporations a proper search warrant. So much for the idea that we can trust big business to keep the power of big government in check.

2. iPollute! According to an analysis by The Ecologist, the new iPhone 5C and iPhone 5S will amplify the pollution of Planet Earth. “The new iPhones will be less environmentally friendly than those that came before,” writes Ecologist reporter David Thomas.

3. You might not have heard that it’s Pollution Prevention Week. Why haven’t you received the news? The EPA, which is supposed to be in charge of publicizing the events, doesn’t even mention Pollution Prevention Week on its own home page on the web. Even on its inconspicuous Pollution Prevention Week web page, the EPA only identifies four Pollution Prevention Week activities in the entire USA: A “webinar”, a trade show in Indiana, a discussion group in Arkansas, and a training in pollution prevention in Austin, Texas.

4. In Tennessee, a judge legally changed a baby’s first name without the permission of the child’s parents. Why? The parents named their child “Messiah”, and Judge Lu Ann Ballew decided that only Jesus could be named Messiah. Has Ballew never met anyone named Christopher or Christina? Maybe in her part of Tennessee there aren’t too many hispanics naming their sons Jesus.

truth fairy pendulum5. Finally, Barnes and Noble is selling a product it calls The Truth Fairy. It’s a kit that contains a pendulum, featuring an image of a fairy, that Barnes and Noble claims is “enchanted”. Has the pendulum actually been given enhanced magical powers? Not according to a shopper who wrote a review on the Barnes and Noble web site complaining, “My pendulum fell apart; and, it’s [sic] material was cheap.” The Truth Fairy’s creators, Amy Zerner and Monte Farber, insist that the enchantment is real, writing that “These enchantments are a real and beautiful way to validate your dreams, and they can be used for helping and healing in your life.” Of course, even if The Truth Fairy was in fact The Big Fat Liar Fairy, it could claim to be enchanted, and we would never know, because The Big Fat Liar Fairy would have the special power of calling itself The Truth Fairy without shame.

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