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Training Electrons

General Electric scientists working in research laboratories are “training electrons to serve man.” In fact, the scientists say, the electron promises to be the “greatest and ‘most powerful servant that man has.”

The way I view the world, and especially America, is as follows:

electronTwo thirds of a group — the protons and neutrons — are the unit’s potential leaders and managers; they are the nucleons. The other third — the electrons — are the building blocks of the hierarchy to which they are attracted or born. They are the ones who need to be educated to perform the various and varied skills of their unique workgroup — their atom.

For those not familiar with the energy characteristics of the two-thirds who form the atom’s dense nucleus, it is comprised of an almost equal number of heavyweight protons and neutrons. The positively charged entrepreneurial protons set the pace and the equally heavy bipolar neutrons are in charge of (1) keeping the protons from destroying one another and (2) training electrons to do what needs to be done in the hierarchy.

At the core of the Power Optimizer energy saving device is our patented semiconductor chip. This chip utilizes specific wavelengths of infrared light to stabilize the vibration state of ‘spinning’ electrons.”

This quote can be found, Colin Stone informs us, at, which goes on to claim that the device works by “training the electrons to flow more efficiently”. This, we are told, will reduce your energy consumption and hence your bills, and at the same time will “optimize the operating efficiency of your electrical systems and equipment”.

Edison initially generated electricity by training the electrons himself, but as demand increased (along with Edison’s fortune), he was forced to employ minions to perform this task on his behalf. Unfortunately these minions were less skilled trainers, and the electrons sometimes rebelled against their masters. To make matters worse, Edison had cut costs by feeding the electrons harvested souls. This resulted in very negative electrons that were prone to revolt.

3 thoughts on “Training Electrons”

  1. Bill says:

    I used to volunteer at a job training center working with electrons, but I just couldn’t stand the environment there after a while. They’re all so negative.

  2. Jim Cook says:

    No kidding! I used to get paid to train electrons — you know, do tricks and stuff, but once I got them moving I couldn’t keep track of where they were any more. The only time I could keep track of where they were was when I had no idea where they were going. The job made me feel like I was in a cloud the whole time.

    1. Bill says:

      I agree, Jim; their behavior is just shocking.

      Reminds me of a great joke. Werner Heisenberg was tooling down the freeway when he was pulled over by a cop. “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?” the cop asked. “No,” replied Heisenberg, “but I know exactly where I am!” “Well,” said the cop, pulling out his ticket book, “you were doing 94 miles an hour.” Heisenberg frowned and said, “Oh great…now I’m lost.”

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