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Undead Meditation

I have been boarded up in the basement of my home for 4 days straight now. I’ve been eating nothing but Ramen noodles and Cheezits, and drinking condensation on the pipes in this dark hole. The advertisers await outside, moaning, looking for a way in.

One calls out to me, telling me that if I just open the door, I can be “welder in just 7 months”. Thanks, I say, but I’m already weld enough.

welder

Another wants me to take the Real Age Test, to figure out “how old my body really is.” I’ve already got a birth certificate, and I don’t need help figuring out that I feel more tired than I’d like to at my age.

Then there’s a pack of putrefying yoga corpses. “We’re going to host the BIGGEST online live meditation of 2013,” it gasps and gurgles, “and you’re invited!”

I know what they’re really up to, though. Live meditation, my ass. These commercial chakra ghouls are going to have the biggest online undead meditation.

Stinky.

dead meditation

1 comment to Undead Meditation

  • F.G. Fitzer

    They’re back! Today, they’re offering me jobs in trucking, moaning about an electronic device that the cable companies hate, and asking if they can borrow some of my brains.

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