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Undead Meditation

I have been boarded up in the basement of my home for 4 days straight now. I’ve been eating nothing but Ramen noodles and Cheezits, and drinking condensation on the pipes in this dark hole. The advertisers await outside, moaning, looking for a way in.

One calls out to me, telling me that if I just open the door, I can be “welder in just 7 months”. Thanks, I say, but I’m already weld enough.


Another wants me to take the Real Age Test, to figure out “how old my body really is.” I’ve already got a birth certificate, and I don’t need help figuring out that I feel more tired than I’d like to at my age.

Then there’s a pack of putrefying yoga corpses. “We’re going to host the BIGGEST online live meditation of 2013,” it gasps and gurgles, “and you’re invited!”

I know what they’re really up to, though. Live meditation, my ass. These commercial chakra ghouls are going to have the biggest online undead meditation.


dead meditation

One thought on “Undead Meditation”

  1. F.G. Fitzer says:

    They’re back! Today, they’re offering me jobs in trucking, moaning about an electronic device that the cable companies hate, and asking if they can borrow some of my brains.

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