Subscribe to Irregular Times via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to Irregular Times and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 845 other subscribers

Undead Meditation

I have been boarded up in the basement of my home for 4 days straight now. I’ve been eating nothing but Ramen noodles and Cheezits, and drinking condensation on the pipes in this dark hole. The advertisers await outside, moaning, looking for a way in.

One calls out to me, telling me that if I just open the door, I can be “welder in just 7 months”. Thanks, I say, but I’m already weld enough.


Another wants me to take the Real Age Test, to figure out “how old my body really is.” I’ve already got a birth certificate, and I don’t need help figuring out that I feel more tired than I’d like to at my age.

Then there’s a pack of putrefying yoga corpses. “We’re going to host the BIGGEST online live meditation of 2013,” it gasps and gurgles, “and you’re invited!”

I know what they’re really up to, though. Live meditation, my ass. These commercial chakra ghouls are going to have the biggest online undead meditation.


dead meditation

1 comment to Undead Meditation

  • F.G. Fitzer

    They’re back! Today, they’re offering me jobs in trucking, moaning about an electronic device that the cable companies hate, and asking if they can borrow some of my brains.

Leave a Reply




You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>