I have been boarded up in the basement of my home for 4 days straight now. I’ve been eating nothing but Ramen noodles and Cheezits, and drinking condensation on the pipes in this dark hole. The advertisers await outside, moaning, looking for a way in.
One calls out to me, telling me that if I just open the door, I can be “welder in just 7 months”. Thanks, I say, but I’m already weld enough.
Another wants me to take the Real Age Test, to figure out “how old my body really is.” I’ve already got a birth certificate, and I don’t need help figuring out that I feel more tired than I’d like to at my age.
Then there’s a pack of putrefying yoga corpses. “We’re going to host the BIGGEST online live meditation of 2013,” it gasps and gurgles, “and you’re invited!”
I know what they’re really up to, though. Live meditation, my ass. These commercial chakra ghouls are going to have the biggest online undead meditation.