This has got to be the most existentially perplexing link spam offer we’ve received at Irregular Times in some time:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am emailing you regarding the formation of a partnership with my client.
My name is Catherine Byrne and I work for Linkforce Ltd based here in UK. I would like to place an article on your website containing a link straight to my client’s desired URL, from a keyword of their choice on a certain topic. It would be a small text link contained within the article. In return, we would like to pay you for this.
I would like to match your website with a relevant client. However, if we do not have a relevant client, I would still like to keep your website on a database to match with future clients.
Obviously I am keen to agree a partnership as soon as possible for this project, so I look forward to hearing from you shortly.
They’d like to pay Irregular Times to include a URL desired by a client that might not exist, and they want to form an agreement on behalf of that possibly non-existent client as soon as possible.
Ooh, ooh. Maybe they’re from the movie Looper. How exciting.
We never agree to do this kind of junk, in case you’re wondering. Someone must fall for it, though. I looked up this outfit — the “partnerships executive” listed above charges 375 British Pounds to set up four html pages and a single logo. Apparently, there’s a steady supply of suckers on both ends.
Here’s the surreal kicker. Right under the signature that attributes the entire offer to “Linkforce Ltd” comes a statement declaring that none of that statement may be attributed to “Linkforce Ltd,” and that it “may be” illegal for me to share the message publicly with you:
This e-mail communication & any attachments are confidential & for the sole use of the intended recipient(s). Any review, reliance, dissemination, distribution, copying or other use is strictly prohibited & may be illegal.
Any opinions expressed in this communication are personal & are not attributable to Linkforce or any of its associate companies.
It only “may be” illegal for me to share this ludicrous invitation with you in the sense that it “may be” true that I am Papa Smurf. In reality-land, I’m not legally bound to keep this unethical link farming request confidential, unless I explicitly agree to do so — which I don’t. Why would I want to keep this quiet? Absurdist love poems from corporate pimps are things of beauty, and beauty should be shared.