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Pope Francis Identifies God’s Specific Physical Qualities

In a remarkable reversal, the leader of the Roman Catholic Church has declared that the Christian god is not omnipotent after all. Rather, it seems that God can only move so fast.

Specifically, God is only capable of moving at the pace of 700 million miles per hour – no faster, and no slower than that.

Furthermore, God has a vulnerability, being able to be converted into solid matter, though God is, according to the new Catholic theology, never created nor destroyed.

“God is light,” Pope Francis declared in a Christmas ceremony this year.

The Pope did not explain whether the Roman Catholic Church believes that God is a particle or a wave.

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