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Sajak This!

“I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends. Good night.”

So wrote Pat Sajak, a man who has become famous for his expertise in asking people whether they’d like to buy a vowel. Sajak’s Tweet isn’t unique in its stubborn refusal to acknowledge that global warming is a serious problem, but it is special in its densely packed combination of incoherence and paranoia.

Just how is concern about global warming unpatriotic? How is it racist? What possible personal gain could environmentalists achieve through their activism?

Let’s put politics and environmental issues aside just for a minute, and dip into the the guilty pleasure of Sajak’s mental rhythm. His tweet was a poetic blurt, a five second surrealist trip.

Can it be repeated? Can you capture the style of Pat Sajak in your own outburst? Let’s try together. I’ll offer a few attempts, and you see what you can produce.

“I now believe civil libertarians are sexist Nazis knowingly dissembling for their own ends. Have a bagel.”

“I now believe striking McDonalds workers are unstylish corporate lobbyists knowingly wandering around for their own ends. Duck!”

“I now believe United Nations workers are morally relativistic homophobes knowingly composting for their own ends. Mahalo.”

What do you think? Did I get the strange essence that is Sajak speak? It’s actually quite difficult to express unhinged misanthropism. Can you give it a shot?

2 thoughts on “Sajak This!”

  1. Dave says:

    I’ll take the brass duck for four thousand dollars, Pat. Actually, the racist thing may be a reference to the seeming disregard of some for poor third world countries that can’t climb out of poverty and debt without industrialising. Taxing, reducing or even blocking their carbon emissions can be seen as the rich countries keeping the poor countries down, and there seems to be no simple answer to this. I have not heard a concise and compelling reply. Got reply, anyone?

    1. J Clifford says:

      It’s not hard, and simple solutions have often been proposed, and ignored by dopes like Sajak who really don’t want to grapple with the topic seriously.

      Its the most impoverished nations that already are suffering from climate change, and will in the future. Climate change has mostly been created by the countries that are rich – they profited from the first big waves of pollution and used that wealth to create empires of oppression.

      Sooo… the easy solution is that rich countries like ours convert from fossil fuels to renewables, which is happening, because it really doesnt require sacrifice so much as effort, and then form agreements with more impoverished nations to provide them with alternative tech to the dirty tech that poor people traditionally depend on. Everyone benefits, no one has anything racist happen against them.

      The only downside is that creepy old guys like Pat Sajak will have to start whining about something else, like kids on their lawns. Oh, and big fossil fuel companies that have politicians in their pockets will suffer, which is why we hear so much complaining that the world will end if we don’t burn a lot of oil, coal and gas.

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