Enter your email address to subscribe to Irregular Times and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 221 other subscribers

Irregular Times Newsletters

Click here to subscribe to any or all of our six topical e-mail newsletters:
  1. Social Movement Actions,
  2. Credulity and Faith,
  3. Election News,
  4. This Week in Congress,
  5. Tech Dispatch and
  6. our latest Political Stickers and Such

Contact Us

We can be contacted via retorts@irregulartimes.com

Save The Planet! Don’t Wear I/O Denim Jeans!

It’s widely acknowledged that human beings are bad for the planet. We degrade natural habitats. We pollute. We change the climate.

The fewer human beings around, the better it will be for the biosphere. But, how can we accomplish population reduction in a humane manner? Massive slaughter wouldn’t likely be very environmentally friendly in itself.

io jeans smartphoneResearchers at the University of Exeter point the way with a study released today suggesting how people can make fewer babies even as they keep on getting their rocks off.

The study reviewed data in previously completed studies to determine that that men who put smartphones in their pockets produce less mobile sperm than men who keep their pockets phone-free. So, one way to reduce the human population is to encourage guys to carry around their smartphones in their front pockets at all times.

Unfortunately, this fertility suppression app may be undone by a new invention in fashion: Special pockets for smartphones sewn in low on the thigh. I/O Denim has a patent pending for the innovation, which they promise “elimantes the “cell phone bulge’” [sic. really sic]. If they succeed in marketing this low down pocket, we could see a baby boom from which our planet’s biodiversity may never recover.

Guys, be green: Cram that smartphone into that high front pocket now!

1 comment to Save The Planet! Don’t Wear I/O Denim Jeans!

  • Tom

    “If they succeed in marketing this low down pocket, we could see a baby boom from which our planet’s biodiversity may never recover.”

    Too late, it’s already happened and we’re on the way to extinction.

    http://energyskeptic.com/2014/dennis-meadows-collapse-is-inevitable-now-2015-2020/

    Dennis Meadows Collapse inevitable 2015-2020

    [quote]

    At the 2014 Age of Limits conference he also said that in 1972 we had reached about 85% of Earth’s carrying capacity and today we are about 125%, and every month we delay in getting back within limits erodes Earth’s further ability to tolerate us. “The reason we don’t have a response to climate change,” he said, “is not because we don’t have better models. It’s because people don’t care about climate change.” That may be our epitaph.

    [listen to the video presentation]

Leave a Reply

  

  

  

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>