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The Real Mark of The Beast has been Found

The eschatalogical website Beginning and End echoes the growing consenus among conservative evangelical Christians that the Monster energy drink is a covert Mark of The Beast signaling the beginning of the end of the world. Among literal readers of the Bible, the Mark of The Beast is a matter of great concern, because at the beginning of the end of the world a lamb-horned dragon-speaking beast is predicted to emerge, forcing people to receive a mark on their forehead right hand (). Those receiving the Mark of The Beast will be subject to angelic torture ()Book of Revelation 14 and death, while those who don’t receive the Mark of the Beast get to live happily with Jesus for 1000 years (Book of Revelation 20).

If you really believe that every word of the Bible is literally true, then this information calls for eternal (dare I say paranoid?) vigilence. After all, Satan is a deceiver and could trick a person into taking the Mark of the Beast on his or her forehead or right hand. Then, even if you were an obedient believer all of your life, Jesus and the angels could call you out on your Mark-taking and haul out their death-torture gizmo. Bad news.

It’s in this context that warnings about Monster energy drink are being spread. Is the Monster energy drink really the Mark of The Beast? Consider the logo of the drink on the front of can:

Monster Energy Logo is the Mark of The Beast.  In other news, I am the Queen of Spain.

See those rip marks? Beginning and End says that each of those green rippy bits looks kind of like the Hebrew letter “Vav,” which according to numerologists represents the letter 6. Put three sixes together and you’ve got 18, 6+6+6, which is, um… 666, if you concatenate. 666 is the number of the beast. And, as Shawn points out, “There’s a f**cking crusifix in the o!” What more evidence do you need?

Lora Ann is a believer after what she saw:

I have personally seen a person have a seziure, because they drank a monster energy drink. They only drank one while with me the whole day and had a seziure. He never had a seziure before that then randomly he had one. All I have to say is yes i do believe that its 666 i do believe that they are put here to tempt us to fall into that treshold of satan.

Mac worries that with the advent of Monster drinks, it might already be too late:

Hell, we are advertising for them now by making this discussion. They couldn’t care less about what we believe. They just market an addictive, non regulated drink to everyone and sit back and let the wheels turn. For every person who says I won’t buy this drink anymore, 2 more buy for the first time. They make it hard not to buy 2 at a time. The devil sits and laughs as he watches this all unfold. It’s all going to plan.

But I think this is overblown hype. Anyone who pays close enough attention to the world knows that the Mark of the Beast has already been introduced to the world in a much more straightforward fashion.

You can find the Mark of the Beast right here: check it out for yourself.

Oh, dear. Did you click on that link using your right hand? Mark, Mark, Mark. Did you look at it? It’s in your memory, residing behind your forehead, forever! Mark, Mark, Mark!

Might as well crack open a six-pack of beer and start licking pictures of dragons. Your tarnation is inevitable now.

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