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Merry Krampusnacht 2014 – And The War On Krampusnacht

krampus 2014Tonight is Krampusnacht, the night when the wild hairy trickster of Yule goes cavorting around in the darkest shadows of the year.

They’re Krampusing in Chicago, and in Bloomington, too. Hell, they’re even putting on horns in Charlotte.

Graveyard Dirt writes, “Krampus is often described as a spirit of Christmas, but in truth, the character of Krampus is deeper than Christmas. Krampus is a part of the ancient Yule holiday that is the true source of Christmas, and has meaning that clearly has nothing to do with Jesus.

In the United States of America, Christmas is increasingly becoming a holiday that isn’t linked to Christianity for most people. There are still many who pretend that the birthday of Jesus was really on December 25, just coincidentally the pagan Roman date of Sol Invictus and the birthday of the Persian savior Mithras. Larger and larger numbers of Americans, though, are contributing to the re-paganization of Christmas, either consciously or unconsciously. They’re bringing back the old customs of the Yule season and casting aside the facade of stories about the baby Jesus.”

Merry Krampusnacht!

But, now that I’ve got the holly jollies out, let me rattle the chains for a bit. There’s something very sad going on in America – a War On Krampusnacht.

Go to any of the big box stores in your town – Barnes and Noble, Wal-Mart, Macy’s Victoria’s Secret, Whole Foods, and you know what you’ll hear? “Happy Holidays!” That’s what they’ll say. Oh, and they’ll throw in a “Merry Christmas” too.

But do any of these stores bother to wish you a “Merry Krampusnacht”? No! Do they throw in a “Gruss Vom Krampus” with your receipt? No, they don’t. That’s because these businesses are part of a war on Krampus.

They hate Krampus. They want to rid America of Krampusnacht by just pretending that it doesn’t exist.

Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but as long as these stores have been refusing to wish their customers a Merry Krampusnacht, there have been murders across the United States. Milk has gone bad in people’s refrigerators. Dogs have died. People’s favorite TV shows have been canceled. Little girls have cried.

Now, I don’t have the fancy statistics to prove to you that there’s a causal relationship between the War On Krampusnacht and these terrible events, but all you need is common sense to see the connection.

So, the next time you go to a store, and the clerk says “Merry Christmas,” put a stern face on and say back to them as you wag your finger, “No, Merry Krampusnacht!” Then, go throw a naughty capitalist in the river.

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Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!