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One Million Moms: Pour Sugar In Your Kids, But Don’t Talk About Jam

The Christian organization One Million Moms is outraged, because, well, that’s what they do. The group has begun a nationwide campaign against Kellogg’s, demanding that it stop distributing the following advertisement for its new peanut butter and jelly Pop-Tart:

One Million Moms offers the following description of the advertisement: “The animated commercial has a mom pop tart and a dad pop tart admiring their newborn baby pop tart at the hospital nursery when a nurse walks in. The dialogue includes: ‘He so has your peanut butter. Well, he’s got your jelly.’ Then the nurse, while rubbing her hands together ready to devour the baby pop tart, says, ‘Time for a feeding.’ “

So, what’s the problem? It’s not what you might suspect. One Million Moms finds nothing disturbing about the depiction of a nurse preparing to eat a baby alive.

Neither does One Million Moms object to the marketing of a snack that is so packed full of sugars that its repeated consumption could lead to the development of type 2 diabetes. Diabetes is okay for Christian moms, it seems.

Instead, the urgent crisis that has provoked a nationwide campaign by One Million Moms is the utterance of the word “jam” at the very end of the ad. One Million Moms writes in shock, “The parents say, ‘No! Ah, Jam It!’ The advertisement could have ended with ‘No!’ but Kellogg’s chose to include a phrase that sounded just like a curse word.”… Kellogg’s executives apparently don’t care about what children hear as long as it puts money in their pockets. Everyone knows kids repeat what they hear.”

Yes, they’re upset about jam. The word “jam” sounds like “damn”, you see, and everyone knows that children repeat what they hear. Therefore, if Christian moms sit their children down in front of the television for hours on end, watching the same advertisement over and over and over and over again, then their children could start repeating the phrase “jam it”. That’s a problem because, apparently, saying “jam it” could cause children to burn for eternity.

Christian families need to be able to abandon their children to lie on the couch and stare vacantly at the television all day long while eating sugary treats without hearing any words that end in the sound “am”. If that’s not an activist cause you can believe in, what is?

2 thoughts on “One Million Moms: Pour Sugar In Your Kids, But Don’t Talk About Jam”

  1. Korky Day says:

    Has no ‘mom’ or Irregular Times writer noticed that the ‘baby’ and ‘mom’ seems to be deprived of natural breastfeeding by standard (horrible) hospital routines?

  2. J Clifford says:

    Well, mostly I’m wondering about what comes out of a pop-tart into that diaper, jam it.

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