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John Kasich Launches Presidential Campaign

kasich for presidentJohn Kasich launched his presidential campaign today, but was immediately consumed by leaks from disgruntled insiders revealing that his initial budget has already been spent on an outreach effort designed to explain to the American people how to pronounce his last name. Kasich’s top adviser, John Bloomsbottom, resigned this afternoon amid allegations that he registered ItSoundsLikeKSick.com using funds directly from Sanofi, the French parent company of Kaopectate, a brand of anti-diarrheal medicine.

John Kasich’s campaign is also fighting off rumors that the candidate has been named the winner of a Politician Least Likely To Be Brought Down By The Ashley Madison Hacking Scandal contest. Kasich has struggled in the polls, where he is currently stuck somewhere between Ulysses S. Grant and the generic write-in option “My Son-In-Law”.

On the positive side, Kasich’s campaign begins with the catchy slogan, “I’ve been there at all levels, OK?”

Kasich also is the only candidate who can claim to have “led on national security for 18 years” – not 17 years, not 19 years, but 18 years. Do you remember those 18 years of Kasich-led national security? I know I sure do. Oh, those were the days, when America was secure… nationally… with Kasich doing… security stuff.

3 thoughts on “John Kasich Launches Presidential Campaign”

  1. Charles Manning says:

    I hope this isn’t Irregular Times’ last word about Kasich. He’s definitely a stand-out among the Republicans — in a positive way, not like Trump. The MSM interviews I’ve seen don’t reveal much about his political leanings.

    1. J Clifford says:

      That’s about my impression of him, Charles. Kasich doesn’t reveal much about his political leanings, but prefers to deal in platitudes. Kasich doesn’t really stand out. Doesn’t even say where he stands on most issues. In terms of support among Republicans, he’s at 2 percent in the latest poll, right up there with Bobby Jindal.

      Kasich for President isn’t news. His campaign barely registers a “meh”.

      What do you think makes him stand out?

  2. Larry says:

    I live in Ohio.

    Kasich has destroyed the state economically and especially at local (including county and regional) political subdivision levels. He accomplished closing state levels budget deficits by siphoning MOST of the monies away from LGF (local government funds). These funds came from sales taxes where a portion of the money that went to the state was routed back to local governments (and were a big part of local funding). This set up had been in place (very successfully) since it was first set up in 1934.

    Kasich’s approval ratings hi is first couple years were dismal. He see-sawed back and forth with Rick Scott for many months as the least popular governor. He only climbed in approval ratings as he developed a Ned to get RE-elected… and look toward a national bid.

    And he accomplished that by making a hard turn toward looking somewhat centrist in “some” areas (while making sure to take care of the wealthy, big business, and insuring the main tax breaks go in that direction). That “centrist position” is why he has run consistently around 2%.

    He is also great in making claims that are only part true (even untrue) – and credit for things that he had nothing to do with.

    And, no, the MSM is NOT mistreating Kasich!

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