Browse By

Rick Santorum Campaign Struggles To Watch Its Own Back

Over on the web site for the campaign to elect Rick Santorum President of the United States, there is an impression of sluggish inaction from the candidate. The last official news from the campaign came one month and three days ago.

rick santorum latest news

Over on Twitter, though, there’s been a flurry of little posts about Rick Santorum helping people at the Iowa State Fair serve barbecued chicken. People may wonder how serving up chicken at a State Fair qualifies Rick Santorum to run the United States of America, but at least these items show that the candidate is getting out of the house sometimes.

This struggle over the Santorum campaign’s timing of its media releases seems to be reflected in the graphic the campaign uses for its social media accounts. A red eagle soars through a tree plantation, with the message…

America: Taking Her Back Starts Now

taking america back rick santorum

This message leaves me a bit confused. Exactly when should I show up to take America back? Now?… Or how about now? Or, is the now they’re talking about back when somebody made this graphic? If so, how much of America has the Santorum campaign taken back so far? Could we have a taken aback update every now and then? Maybe there could be a map, so people could see if their town is in the taken away camp or taken back camp.

But then, who exactly has taken America, anyway? The Portuguese? Bangladeshis?

Where did they take America? Out to dinner? On a Caribbean vacation? To a secret, undisclosed location?

I’ve been in America since before the 2016 Santorum for President campaign began, and from what I could see, everything was still in place. It didn’t look like it had been taken away to me. Could the whole of America have been seized, and taken far away without our knowledge? What kind of sinister beings are capable of a theft of such dimensions? Is Santorum suggesting that America has been taken by a pan-galactic extraterrestrial civilization, carefully maintaining the illusion that our country is still on the planet Earth?

If so, I’d like to know what qualifications Rick Santorum believes he has for battling these nefarious space aliens, and how he’s going to get America safely back to the Solar System. Also, I would feel more confidence if I knew how serving barbecued chicken at the Iowa State Fair fits into this plan.

Could it be that Rick Santorum isn’t actually referring to a daring piece of space piracy, but simply means to suggest that America has been taken over by non-Republicans through democratic elections? If so, Santorum wants to take America back from Americans. It isn’t as if it was the Canadians who elected Barack Obama as President. Who does he intend to take America back for, then?

More importantly, how far back does Rick Santorum want to take America? Back to the 1950s, when men wore hats without a sense of irony, and racial segregation was still in place? Does he want to take America back to the days before women could vote, and when children had the Right To Work in factories for 12 hours every day? Would Santorum take America back to slavery? Back to just 13 states on the east coast? Back to the British Empire? Is it Rick Santorum’s plan to take America back into indigenous possession?

Before I agree to support Rick Santorum’s campaign to Take America Back, I need to know more about what his backwards path for America looks like. I’m concerned that Santorum is trying to walk backwards without looking behind him.

One thought on “Rick Santorum Campaign Struggles To Watch Its Own Back”

  1. Jim Cook says:

    Where are they taking America’s back? How will we sit up? Scandal!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!