Browse By

42 Die in Apparent Midtown Fire Suicide

In a late-breaking development in the tri-city metro area, police commissioner Bunny Davis has asked for citizens’ help in making sense of last week’s tragic loss of life in a midtown fire that took the lives of 42 apartment dwellers.  According to Davis, multiple corroborated reports indicate that there was no sign of any blocked exit during the event.  “Frankly, we are unable to explain how many people died in such a slowly-developing fire. There should have been enough time for everyone to get out safely.”  Eyewitnesses report that some residents actually ran back into the burning building after being escorted outside by helmeted firefighters.  One such firefighter, Sam Blennings of Sparta, expressed his dismay.  “I had my protective gear on so I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but this nice-looking older lady was obviously upset and screaming something as I took her outside. As soon as I turned my back, she just picked herself up and dashed back in.”


Police are still investigating. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!