The Story Of The Americans Who Barely Escaped Yesterday’s Mass Shooting Everywhere
Wil Wheaton, who gained fame playing a space cadet on TV, sadly posted this message to his followers, yesterday: “Welcome to America. It has been 0 days since our last mass shooting.”
Yes, welcome to America, land of mass shootings. Kellan Publishing writes with alarm about “recent needless shootings everywhere”. Stacey King writes that, “everywhere I go I find myself strategizing an exit in case a mass shooting happens while I’m there.” Manolete John Garcia warns that, “You never think it could happen to you. But mass shootings are happening *everywhere* in America.” Katherine Latke says that, “I am always, always afraid now. It is everywhere. I’d be surprised if I got through the next year without witnessing a mass shooting.” Seli Marset asks, “What is going on with our world?! Innocent people are dying daily everywhere!” Alexandra Svokos writes at Elite Daily that, “If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last three years, it’s that there is no safe space. I’ve learned that anywhere and everywhere can instantly become the scene of a mass shooting.”
Families Against Mass Shootings is a group of people who are “raising awareness on what you can do to help stop mass shootings from occurring in your communities.” How many mass shootings are occurring in your community?
None, maybe… so far, but don’t forget, “anywhere and everywhere can instantly become the scene of a mass shooting”!
You are never ever safe! Some people may not believe me, but I have concrete evidence that all Americans are constantly in danger of being the victim of a mass shooting.
Yesterday, 322,272,680 Americans narrowly escaped being killed in a mass shooting. The killers were only as far away as their television screens, their radio speakers. These Americans were separated from the bullets flying through the air in San Bernardino only by the width of their mobile touch screens. Just think of how terrifying it must have been for them!
Yes, technically speaking, three hundred twenty two million two hundred seventy two thousand six hundred and eighty Americans “survived” yesterday’s mass shooting. It would be astonishingly insensitive to point this out, however. Emotionally, however, they are victims as well. The mass shootings took place all across America, in a feeling kind of way.
That’s why, today, I’m changing my social media account icons to a picture of a skull, and my account descriptions to “I Am Dead”. Really, underneath the calm facade of normalcy, in which we ate pizza and watched a movie with popcorn after seeing the news about the San Bernardino shootings, we all were shot dead yesterday, and we all are sitting in the cold morgue right now. Don’t deny it. You’re terrified that you could be shot at any time… not that it matters, because you’re already a victim, and as such, are already dead. I’ll lay down in my sympathetic grave this afternoon, as soon as I’m done talking with my PTSD counselor.
In this time, when mass shootings are EVERYWHERE across America, gas stations are exploding all over the place, as the bullets flying everywhere are sending off sparks. The zoos are shutting down, because the bullets flying everywhere have killed all the giraffes. We’re not even safe in the bathroom! Who can pee, when there are mass shootings in the stall right there with you? I was painting a sign this morning, up on the Canadian border at Niagara Falls, that repeated Wil Wheaton’s warning, but all I got out was “Welcome to America. It has been O days since…”, and then I got shot and killed.
I got better, so that I could write this article but ow! I just got struck by another stray bullet. Damn. Mass shootings are everywhere.