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Should The U.S. Congress Follow The Examples Of Prophets And Saints?

The state-sponsored Christian Reverend Patrick J. Conroy, who is appointed by the federal government but never opens Congress in anything other than a Christian ritual, was at his usual antics again yesterday. He began the day of the U.S. House of Representatives by speaking loudly to his deity, and seeking its supernatural powers to ensure that, “the work to be done be inspired by the wisdom of prophets and the love of saintly people.”

Prohets and saintly people? Should the U.S. Congress really follow their example?

The prophet Isaiah decided one day to take off his clothes and go wandering around outside for three years.

The prophet Hosea named his own daughter Unloved.

insane prophetThe prophet Jonah went around making doomsday prophecies that didn’t come true, causing him to beg to be killed.

The prophet Jeremiah walked around in public with a cattle yoke on his shoulders, but took his underwear off and hid it in a rock.

The prophet Ezekiel refused to talk, but drew pictures and then lay down on top of them, before cutting off his beard with a sword and lighting it on fire.

The prophet Moses talked to bushes.

Saint Drogo whipped himself several times a day, and claimed to be at work at the same time that he was seen in town relaxing, because, his excuse went, he had the magical power of being in two places at once.

Saint Julian killed his own parents just because they came to visit his home when he wasn’t ready.

Saint Joan talked to invisible spirits that told her to go kill a bunch of people, and so she did it.

Sant Simeon Stylites decided one day to spend his time standing up on top of a 45-foot high pillar, where he stayed until he died of a festering wound on one of his legs.

Saint Scholastica cast magical spells to summon storms to keep people prisoner when she decided they couldn’t be done talking about religion with her.

Saint Fiacre went around waving a magic wand to try to get trees to fall down.

Saint Guinefort went running around on all fours, shitting and pissing in public, and having sex with dogs because, well, he was a dog.

Why on earth would we want members of the U.S. Congress to start acting like prophets and saints?

2 thoughts on “Should The U.S. Congress Follow The Examples Of Prophets And Saints?”

  1. Jon sanders says:

    These folks sure knew how to make life interesting. LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!

  2. Leroy says:

    Well, compared to their (Congress) antics now, maybe this type of behavior would be less problematic for the country?

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