Ted Cruz Denial Generator Model X4000 [Insert Animal and Non-Desired Act Here]
With the emergence of the ghetto-building, wife-comparing, torture-excusing, carpet-bombing, Klan-flirting, finger-measuring candidates Ted Cruz and Donald Trump, you may find the 2016 election season to be quirky. Unconventional. Unsettling. Unpredictable.
Many of your worries cannot be assuaged; these are dangerous times, with Republican candidates promising dangerous, radical changes to the basic American character as they pursue votes. But on one account at least, we here at Irregular Times can offer you an escape from your worry. After Ted Cruz declared this week that “Donald Trump may be a rat but I have no desire to copulate with him,” you may find yourself scratching your head and wondering: just what will Ted Cruz say next?
Fret not. Just use our brand-new Ted Cruz Denial Generator Model X4000 (R-C 2016; all rights reserved; one size fits all; some restrictions may apply; may cause constipation, shortness of breath, head colds and generalized ennui), a quantum energy field big-data synergistic AI bot that learns from Ted Cruz’s past utterances to suggest the declarations he is most likely to make in the future. Select from among the X4000’s top predictions below:
The future may not be secure, but it is assured.