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Freedom Isn’t Free. It Costs $6.99, Plus $639 Billion Every Year

Freedom isn’t free!

Freedom costs $6.99 down at Walgreens, where you can buy a synthetic plank mass produced with the slogan “Freedom isn’t free!” It’s also got an angry bald eagle on it, because in America, if you’re not angry, you can’t possibly be free.

Slap that sucker up on the wall, and then you’ll have paid the price of freedom! *

* Additional fees may apply, such as the $639 billion military budget proposed last night by Donald Trump.

You see, the basic idea of the “freedom isn’t free” slogan is that in order to have freedom in the United States of America, we need to spend a whole lot of big money on trillion-dollar pieces of equipment sold by corporations that donate lots of money to the campaigns of members of Congress.

If a corporation isn’t free to bribe politicians, after all, is anyone really free?

But, of course, we need that military to stop the invasions of U.S. territory by foreign armies…

Oh, wait. There have been no invasions of U.S. territory by foreign armies since Pearl Harbor, and except for that one day, since the 1800s.

No one can deny, however, that we need the military to defend us from attacks like the one that took place on September 11, 2001…

Oh, wait. We can deny that, actually, because on September 11, 2001, the United States had the largest military in the world, and was unable to do anything to stop the attacks. It was completely inept.

But really, we need that big military to stop terrorist attacks that might happen…

Oh, wait. On average, horses kill more people in the United States than terrorists. So, until we have an entire department of the U.S. federal government with a budget of more than $600 billion dedicated to fighting horses, this justification doesn’t make any sense.

Under Donald Trump, freedom costs $639 billion dollars every year in work that lines the pockets of corrupt politicians.

Thinking, however, remains free.

How about, instead of pumping up the military budget full of pork barrel, we try thinking instead?

freedom is not free eagle

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Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!