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Trump’s Alternatives To The Words Forbidden By Politically Correct Republicans

Officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have been ordered by the Trump Administration to stop using 7 words and phrases that Donald Trump has declared to be politically-incorrect. So, doctors and scientists at the government institution that protects Americans from deadly plagues are wondering how they can accurately discuss science, medicine, and public policy.

Once, the CDC offered guidance to Americans in a document called the Basics of the Federal Budget and Financial Management, exploring the impact of proposed spending on entitlement programs like Medicare and veterans’ benefits on public health. Now, the Trump Administration wants to censor the very idea that Americans are entitled to assistance through those programs. So, how are CDC officials supposed to discuss these vital matters now?

The following adjustments to comply with the Trump edict against the 7 Deadly Words seem to be what the Republicans have in mind:

Americans are no longer to be described as “vulnerable” to disease. They are now to be described as “disease ready”.

Medicare, Social Security and veterans benefits are no longer “entitlement” programs. They are now to be described as “loser programs”.

CDC scientists can no longer talk about genetic “diversity” in parasite or host populations. They must now refer to genetic “lack of uniform standards”.

Under Donald Trump’s rule, there will be no more discussion of “transgender” Americans in reference to public health. Instead, all CDC documents must refer to “sissies and dykes”.

The CDC can no longer refer to the Zika virus as impacting the development of a “fetus”, but must now refer to the Zika virus impact on a “pre-birth baby”.

Public policies can no longer be described by the CDC as “evidence-based” or “science-based”. They must be described as “based on fake news”.

We at Irregular Times suggest instead that the doctors and scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention simply make the following adjustments:

Instead of using the word “vulnerable”, CDC officials can use the new word “wulnerable”, and pronounce it with a German accent.

Instead of using the word “fetus”, CDC officials can use the new word “feetus”.

Instead of referring to “diversity”, doctors and scientists at the CDC can write about “dyversity”.

Instead of using the phrases “evidence-based” and “science-based” to refer to policies that are supported by scientific research, the CDC can now use the phrase “reality-based”.

The CDC may now refer to “transgender” Americans as “Americans who have the freedom to determine their own identities”.

“Entitlement” programs can now be referred to as “programs that Americans depend upon merely to survive”.

2 thoughts on “Trump’s Alternatives To The Words Forbidden By Politically Correct Republicans”

  1. Al Hopfmann says:

    Two other improper euphemisms that predated the list are: changing “tax increases” to “revenue enhancement” and changing “racism” to “affirmative action”.

    1. Kevin says:

      Don’t forget these:
      “religious freedom” is “religious intolerance”
      “pro-life” is “pro-birth”
      “limited government” is “unregulated corporate theft and corruption”
      “libertarian” is “anarchist”

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