irregular activismpolitical bumper stickersirregular books

irregular times logoThe 700 Club Attacks Marriage!

In the latest attack in the culture wars between conservatives and progressives, a group that calls itself the 700 Club has launched a new battle against traditional values. The 700 Club has been around since the 1980s, serving as a political tool for Republican politicians and as a fundraising machine for businessman and sometimes reverend Pat Robertson.

In the past, the 700 Club has attacked freedom of religion and freedom of speech. This time, the 700 Club is hacking away at the institution of marriage. Robertson's group has launched a new campaign to make it against the law for people to marry unless they agree only to form the specific kind of family that has been approved by the 700 Club. Not only does the 700 Club want to stop people from getting married, but its leaders also want to make it possible for states and local governments to arrest and prosecute people who try to get married if the marriages form families that are not on the 700 Club's pre-approved list.

This plan naturally strikes mainstream Americans as a foolish, radical and dangerous attack on individual freedom. After all, if the 700 Club gets its way and gives the government the power to tell us who to marry, then we will not even have the right to privacy in our own homes.

Imagine what it would take to enforce the 700 Club's plan of big government supervision of family life. In order to make sure that families are in compliance with the 700 Club's moral directives, a huge government bureaucracy of Marriage and Family Enforcement would have to be created, with special agents given the power to burst through our front doors and arrest us when our family lives begin to deviate with the wishes of Pat Robertson and his 700 Club followers. A systematic program of surveillance of American family life, including sexual habits in the bedroom, would be necessary to ensure that all marriages and their ensuring families meet with 700 Club approval.

To understand how the 700 Club can so ruthlessly undermine the American family, it is important to consider what kind of an organization the 700 Club really is. Although it masquerades as a faith-based group in touch with the values of heartland America, the 700 Club is in fact the most radical of organization. The 700 Club goes so far as to oppose America's most traditional values: Freedom and the limitation of governmental power.

The leaders of the 700 Club are themselves religious extremists who reject the central teachings of Christianity. The 700 Club rebels against Jesus himself, refusing to honor the Christian principles of turning the other cheek and loving one's enemies. Instead, the 700 Club consistently urges its members to support programs that respond to violence with even greater violence.

Indeed, the 700 Club's leaders have endorsed a program of religious warfare against foreign nations whose inhabitants do not follow what the 700 Club calls the "true" religion. Essentially, the 700 Club is made up of American jihadists who seek to overthrow the current democratic form of American government and replace it with a theocracy that would resemble the brutal regime of Iran's ayatollahs.

The attack on marriage is a part of the 700 Club's larger agenda of undermining the fundamental institutions of American democracy. By expanding the power of government into the private lives of American families, the 700 Club seeks to set a precedent that would allow its leaders to use the federal agents as enforcers of its radical values.

700 club marriage bumper stickerAs a beginning of their campaign to cut back on marriage rights, the 700 Club uses a simple message, cleverly designed to convince Americans to go along with its plan. This message is distilled on a bumper sticker, which is being distributed to 700 Club operatives all across America.

What message does this bumper sticker really convey? The idea that marriage equals one man plus one woman is, of course, ridiculous. Can you really just make a marriage by bring one man and one woman together? The 700 Club wants you to believe that it's that easy, but of course, the truth is much more complex.

Most of the time, when one woman and one man meet, they want absolutely nothing to do with each other. They don't even want to be friends, much less to marry. To prove this point, let's imagine that one man, George W. Bush, and one woman, Hillary Clinton, are put together in the same room. Now, according to the 700 Club, that's a marriage.

Most Americans disagree with the 700 Club's weird definition of marriage as some kind of twisted result of casual encounters of the opposite sex. They know that marriage is a complex and fragile thing that has many ingredients, and requires a lot of time and effort if it is to succeed.

However, if we were to boil down the institution of marriage to one essential characteristic, we'd make a different choice than the 700 Club has made. We believe that there's more to a marriage than the mere collision of two members of the opposite sex. We believe that the essence of a marriage is the meeting of one person's love with another person's love in return. To translate this more mainstream vision of marriage into the kind of language that the 700 Club can understand, marriage equals love plus love.

pro-marriage bumper sticker loveWe think it would be tragic if the 700 Club's program of loveless, government supervised marriage were to succeed. That's why we've created our own bumper sticker to counter the 700 Club's attacks on the institution of marriage. In an appearance very similar to the 700 Club bumper sticker, it reads, in symbolic form, Marriage Equals Love Plus Love.

Of course, there's a lot more to a good marriage than that. But, isn't love a good place to start?

See more signs of False Witness
rinse off that icky feeling in Irregular Times

Irregular Times require open minds and open mouths.
Give us your sharp comebacks on the Irregular Forum
irregular goods