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IRREGULAR TIMESAn Alphabet for Irregular Times

The presidential campaigns have begun, and yet, mainstream journalists are struggling to find any relevant issues against which to judge the upcoming candidates. What else is there, they ask, besides terrorism and the war against evildoers, to consider as we approach 2004?

Do we have to spell it out for you? Well okay, then, here goes: An A to Z list of the issues that define the Ribald Reign of King George the Second, and the campaigns of his potential successors.

A is for Ashcroft
B is for Budget cuts
C is for Choice
D is for Deficits
E is for Enron
F is for Freedom
G is for Global warming
H is for Health care crisis
I is for Invasion addiction
J is for Judicial nominees
K is for Kangaroo courts
L is for Layoffs
M is for More pollution
N is for No more Freedom of Information Act
O is for Office of Information Awareness
P is for Patriot Act
Q is for Queer rights
R is for Recession
S is for Spying on Americans
T is for Tax giveaways to the rich
U is for Unfunded education
V is for Violations of the Geneva Convention
W is for Weapons of mass destruction (America's!)
X is for Camp X-Ray
Y is for You better off than you were 4 years ago?
Z is for Zero funding for family planning

What a shame there are only 26 letters! It's surprising, but we couldn't fit all of the issues that have troubled us since George W. Bush has come to occupy the White House. The good news is that, given Bush's creativity with the English language, he might come up with a few extra letters for us to use. There's that funny sound he makes whenever he talks about "nuculer" weapons, for example...

Gee. Get on back to the Ribald Reign of King George the Second
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