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Piercing The Gelatinous Mysteries

Fantasy-bewitched people of a certain age will feel their ears twitch in recognition upon hearing the phrase “Gelatinous Cube”. This creature was an invention of the game Dungeons And Dragons. It filled passageways with its jiggly mass killing the unwary.

The Gelatinous Cube was fantasy. Yet, there are deadly gelatinous creatures in real life, described […]

Remembering Peyton Manning’s Historic 509th Touchdown Pass

Dateline: Peyton Manning Museum, Manning City, October 19, 2034

Oliver Sutton hobbled slightly as he made his way to his digital trunk to look through his records of this historic day. “I’ve got it here somewhere,” he promised me as he used his electro stylus to rummage through the virtual box.

A few minutes later […]

Malaria Strikes The USA! Stop All Flights From Asia!

Earlier today, in order to justify a ban on flights from west Africa in order to respond to a tiny number of Ebola cases in the United States, an Irregular Times reader using the pseudonym “Mr. Conservative” wrote that, “I guess one death is insignifigant for you Mr Liberal. But for me one death, two […]

Researchers Find Chemicals In The Air!

Alert! Researchers have found chemicals in the air: oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, water…

Observe National Wear Orange Day To…

World Can’t Wait has announced that October 30th is National Wear Orange Day, an opportunity to… hold on…

In 2012 and 2013, National Wear Orange Day was celebrated in September, as a show of solidarity with the work of food banks.

In February of 2014, National Wear Orange Day was observed in recognition of the […]

Who Checks The Checkers?

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has the job of ensuring that the products and services we buy operate properly, at least to the extent that they are free of hazards. To that end, the CPSC operates SaferProducts.gov, where people can report products that have dangerous design faults, and gain access to other citizens’ reports about […]

Yankee Doodle’s Unfinished Business

As members of Congress abandon their task of crafting legislative solutions to America’s problems in order to find corporate patrons to bankroll their re-elections, there is much talk about the unfinished business of the 113th Congress. The unfinished business of Congress goes much further back than just the last couple of years, however. There are […]

September Is National Hold On I’ll Get Ready In A Minute Month

So far, Congress has introduced a resolution for National Preparedness Month in time for people to prepare only once. All the other times, Congress was unready. As of today, September 7, no congressional resolution for 2014 recognizing September as National Preparedness Month has yet been introduced at all. […]

Why Christian Groups Must Protest Against Gay Football Player Michael Sam

Down in Dallas, Texas, an organization called American Decency is planning to hold a political demonstration outside a sports stadium there, in protest of the decision by the Dallas Cowboys to hire Michael Sam, the first openly gay player in the NFL. “We cannot just stand idly by as Christian values and morals are trampled. […]

Butter Terror

If peanut butter is made from peanuts, and almond butter is made from almonds, and apple butter is made from apples, then body butter is made from…

I found this in my hotel room this morning. Somebody call the police.

Drunken Monkeys Rampage Around The World

In Kenya, drunken monkeys, given alcohol by people stopping by the side of the highway between two nature preserves, have become so aggressive that locals are afraid to venture outside their homes. “They eat our goats, and we have been unable to plant food for the last three years,” one explains.

The problem isn’t unique […]