Irregular Times Diaries: Unfit Discussion

I am curious about Star Jones comments about athiests. An observation that I have made is that when watching reality TV shows like Survivor the born again Christians proceed through life on the assumption that they can do whatever they want, and God will forgive them. They are always the biggest liars.

The liberal whoremonger newspaper New York Times reports today of “Episcopalians Shaken by Division in Church” over the issue of homosexuals (or as I prefer to call them, Whore Mo Sexuals) acting as Bishops in the Church.

Some of these Episcopalians being shaken are babies! Babies! How do the Whore Mo Sexuals justify behaving in a mannar that leads to shaken babies? They will never be the same again. They will suffer brain damage! All because some Bishop wants to go down on Johnnie Q. Pubic in the Church restroom after lustfully stroking Johnnie’s swollen, turgid member, perversely fingering Johnnie’s shadowy nether dorsal regions, and sharing a God-rejecting French kiss. They call it French for a reason, friend.

How can these queery fairy prelates justify their behavior when baby Episcopalians are being hurt? Think of the babies!

My prayer on this Fourth of July:

Dear God, on whom we all rely and depend, and to whom all honor, respect and obedience is due, please forgive us for forgetting you, your light, your way and your truth. Especially forgive those of us who use “freedom” as an excuse to run around burning flags, worshipping false idols, buggering their neighbors, putting crucifixes in pee, and otherwise pursuing what they think is happiness. Forgive my neighbor Sam for speaking out against your representative on Earth, George W. Bush. I know he’ll get his righteous comeuppance soon, but please, dear God, send him some sort of plague or pestilence soon. Preferably pestilence, but whatever is Thy Will, really. Please forgive Sam, but not until he gets his pestilence. Thank you, Lord, on whom we all depend for bread and sugar and candy and beef. Amen.

Have a Blessed Fourth of July!

The Associated Press is reporting on Tom Gallagher, the Republican candidate for Florida Governor:

Republican gubernatorial candidate Tom Gallagher, the state’s chief financial officer, owned stock in a Jacksonville development company last year when he voted to make some of the company’s land holdings a priority for state acquisition.

Gallagher didn’t tell anyone he had 4,000 shares at stake in St. Joe Co. when the Cabinet voted on the land rankings Feb. 16, 2005, the St. Petersburg Times reported for Saturday’s editions.

Gallagher’s campaign manager, Brett Doster, disclosed the information to the newspaper after it had received a copy of Gallagher’s 2005 federal tax return, which lists the stocks.

St. Joe Co. is building an array of residential and commercial developments through North and Central Florida, including a 16,000-acre piece of land that the state purchased a portion of Thursday for $10.6 million.

Gallagher bought the stocks in Jan. 2005 and sold them about three months later, with a profit of $3,716. He could have made more money had he held the stock longer. His highest sale price was about $70.25 a share. Three months later the stocks traded at about $80 per share. The stock closed Friday at $46.54 a share.

Gallagher, who is trailing state Attorney General Charlie Crist for the GOP nomination in most polls, declined to answer questions posed by the St. Petersburg Times about the stock. Telephone messages left on Gallagher’s cell phone and on his spokeswoman’s cell phone by The Associated Press after hours were not immediately returned.

This is the liberal media at its worst. Why do they always have to report on the “bad” news? Why don’t they report on the good things in the Gallagher campaign? He is working very hard and seems like such a nice man. Why be so mean to him? I think it is just because they are liberals. That and they don’t like him investing in a company called “St. Joe” because it is a Christian company that honors one of the most important men in the whole history of the Bible, Joseph of Nazareth. Without Joseph, Mary would have had to go that whole way to Bethlehem walking instead of riding on a donkey, and Jesus wouldn’t have had a father figure. Well, except for Him, of course. But my point is that Tom Gallagher had enough good sense to honor Saint Joseph in his investments, which means that he probably has enough good sense to honor all the Saints in his conduct as Governor of the beautiful state of Florida!

The Supreme Court, that haven of activist judges, has destroyed the spirit of American Independence by insisting that prisoners have a right to a fair trial, no matter what, no matter how much harm it causes to American freedom! These liberals that dominate the Supreme Court in spite of our Republican majority on the high bench just don’t get it. They just can’t see that these prisoners down in Guantanamo refused to fight in military uniform, and that’s why the only appropriate way to put them on trial is in front of a military tribunal.

I always say that there are none so blind as those who cannot see.

Until we are all willing to face trial in front of a military junta and to allow the government to do whatever is necessary to keep people locked up, we will never be free. George Washington taught us that, when he said, “You’re either with us or you’re against us.”

Semper fi!

A center of Deadly Sin in the liberal Media, Vanity Fair has written a news article that I have read at great sacrifice to my personal virtue. Kind of like Job did in the Holy Book, but without those pesky, disfiguring skin sores.

At any rate, in that Vanity Fair article, it comes out that the head of the righteous defense contractor MZM, Mitchell Wade, pressured his employees into making campaign contributions to the great, great Republican Senator Elizabeth Dole (Righteous - North Carolina) and the great, great Republican Congressman Virgil Goode (Righteous - Virginia).

Now, shills for the Democrud Party are saying this all means that Sen. Dole and Rep. Goode must have been in cahoots with MZM and Wade — you know, currying favor and all that sort of stuff that the Democrybabies usually whine about. But that’s jumping way ahead of reality, I think.

A much more reasonable interpretation of these events is that Elizabeth Dole and Virgil Goode sent Mitchell Wade very kind and tasteful Christmas cards. The MZM head, being the good Christian defense contractor that he is, was probably touched by the nice cards for Jesus’ birthday, and only wanted to spread the good news about Dole and Goode to his MZM employees. That’s how it works inside the Christian part of the DC Beltway: politicians send nice Christmas cards to defense contractors, and defense contractors get their employees to cough up cash for a nice thank-you note.

The Democruds and their shills in the liberal media will never understand that kind of courtesy. Shame on them.

As everybody knows, the courts are packed with liberal activist judges. That’s why, today, the highest court in New York State refused to overturn a legislative ban on gay marriage.

This is a triumph for the defense of marriage through the prevention of more people getting married. We must never forget that it is only by stopping people from getting married that we can defend the institution of marriage!

We cherish America, and will defend her traditions, but when gay people try to do the traditional thing by getting married, that must never be permitted. For homosexuals to try to adopt a traditional marital lifestyle would be a perversion, because, as everyone knows, homosexuals are incapable of forming stable relationships. Why, just look - are any of them getting married? No! That just proves my point that they’re not morally equipped for marriage and must not be allowed to get married.

As everyone knows, the traditional definition of marriage is between one man and one woman - except for the Mormons… and in the Bible… Abraham and all that.

It’s when I am falling asleep that my brain most often wanders in strange directions. As I was about to nod off last night, the phrase “Get All Your Ducks In A Row” popped into my mind.

Well, why would you want to get all your ducks in a row? For what purpose? What good does it do, except to have them in a row, instead of in a clump or V-formation?

Where does this odd expression come from?

According to an aricle entitled Don’t Believe the Hype by by Richard S. Lindzen, Alfred P. Sloan Professor of Atmospheric Science at MIT, a review of the abstracts cited by Naomi Oreskes revealed that only 13 out of 928 articles which actually had abstracts endorsed the so called concensus view of global warming.

The whoremonger liberal news rag Washington Post published a scurrilous attack piece that reads in part:

“Grover supplies grass-roots power, which is why lobbyists want him on their side,” said John Feehery, executive vice president of the Motion Picture Association of America.

…”Obviously, Grover is not well.”

…”Grover’s not that likable.”

This is too much. I know the liberals love to go after and personally destroy people. It’s like a sport to them, some sick, sick, sport! But NOW THE LIBERALS ARE GOING AFTER GROVER????? GROVER???

Come on! He’s just a little likable furry little blue guy with a cute voice! He’s a muppet, for goodness’ sake! And now the liberals are trying to destroy Grover.

Typical liberal gutter politics!

People like to think that, because we have airplanes and the Internet, we’re now free from old-fashioned means of transports, like ocean-going vessels. Nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is that a huge amount of cargo still is transported by ships on the Earth’s oceans.

But what if that were to change? What if, all of a sudden, the oceanic cargo industry were brought to a standstill?

That could happen, and it could happen soon.

Right now, at the bottom of the ocean, there are huge formations of methane, frozen solid. They’re called gas hydrates.

Every now and then, a chunk of these methane gas hydrates breaks free and rises to the surface, melting into a pure explosive gas in the process. Scientists have theorized that these bubbles are large enough, they could sink ships travelling across the ocean’s surface, drowning them in one great big burp.

But, what if the frozen methane on the oceans’ floors broke free all at once? The oceans would become a frothing mass of water, covered over by a layer of highly flammable gas! The world’s marine shipping industry would be brought to a standstill! People would starve! Riots in the street would bring democratic governments around the world into a state of violent chaos! Libraries would burn, and the sum of human knowledge would be lost!

Then, the methane would rise into the atmosphere, accelerating global warming and setting off further gigantic methane discharges from a warming ocean in an unstoppable cascade of events that would turn planet Earth into a gigantic fireball!

Hey, what is Congress doing about this problem? This could happen at any moment! Beware!

Pope Benedict XVI, known as El Papa in Spain, recently concluded a visit there, but it seems that he left more negative feelings behind than warm relations. In his first visit to this increasingly secular nation, El Papa quickly dematured into El Bambino, throwing a temper tantrum of the highest magnitude.

When Pope Benedict was informed that Spain’s Prime Minister, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, would not be attending his ritual of Mass, Benedict threw a fit. The Pope said that if he could get Communist leaders Daniel Ortega and Fidel Castro to attend Mass, Zapatero surely must attend as well.

It was the equivalent of Kruschev pounding his shoe on the table at the United Nations.

What Pope Benedict seems most angry at is that he and his church have become marginal political players in Spain, which used to be a solidly Catholic nation. Only 18 percent of Spaniards regularly attend Mass or observe Catholic holy days. So, if most of Spain is secular, what right does the Pope have to come barging into the country making demands that the government’s leader submit himself to the Pope’s authority by participating in the Pope’s religious rituals? If the Prime Minister doesn’t want to attend, let him attend to more important business.

It’s not as if Zapatero snubbed the Pope. The Prime Minister met with Benedict XVI in a more appropriate setting.

This brouhaha is yet another indication that this new Pope doesn’t understand the world in which he lives. He seems to be trying to fight battles that the Catholic Church lost long ago. The Pope has no business behaving like an Ayatollah, trying to impose his religious power to interfere with the proper functioning of democratically elected governments.

Poison In Our Libraries!

That’s the headline at one of my trusted news sources, GOP USA. Internationally respected author Steve Crampton gives us the whole story of poor Laurie Taylor, whose children went to middle school in a public (come on, she should have home schooled her kids to keep them away from the Jesus haters, but for this moment, let’s forgive her) school district that had another middle school in it that had a copy of a book in its library. That book’s name: It’s Perfectly Normal.

We have two clues about what’s going to happen next. First, we have a public school, which means something bad must be going on. You know the score: kids from the wrong side of town mixing with your dears, socialist principals, and lesbian teachers. Second, a book entitled It’s Perfectly Normal. Come on: whenever a book has to say “It’s Perfectly Normal,” you just know that the “It” is not going to be normal, because otherwise they wouldn’t have to come out and say it in the first place.

So Laurie Taylor went to the principal of the school that’s near to the school where her kids go to school, and asked that principal to remove the book. Why? Because it has pictures of naked people in it, and it talks about (shhh!) s-e-x. S-e-x and naked people are just not normal. S-e-x and nakedness are sick and deviant. They are poison to our culture. They are poison to our society, whether the people who are in it recognize that or not. Jesus wore clothes, and he didn’t have s-e-x, and that’s good enough for me!

Laurie Taylor is right to demand that this book with naked people and references to s-e-x be made inaccessible to all children in her town. S-e-x and nakedness are poisonous ideas, and like all poisonous ideas, they should not only be removed from schools but banished from our homes.

Let’s by all means burn the s-e-x books in our schools, but let’s not stop there. Let’s take it home. I bet you’re thinking about s-e-x and nakedness right now. Well, stop it, and slap yourself for the offense. Like I said, Jesus wore clothes, and he didn’t have s-e-x. That’s good enough for me, and that should be good enough for you!

“There are some who feel like that the conditions are such that they can attack us there. My answer is bring them on,” Bush said. “We got the force necessary to deal with the security situation.” — Our Glorious Leader, George W. Bush, July 2, 2003.

“Two car bombs exploded nearly simultaneously in a Shiite area of Baghdad on Monday, killing at least eight and wounding dozens, police and hospital officials said. In the northern city of Kirkuk, meanwhile, a suicide truck bomb struck a Kurdish political office, killing four people and wounding seven, police said.

The car bombings came a day after masked Shiite gunmen ambushed Sunni Arabs in western Baghdad, a dramatic escalation of sectarian violence that killed 41 people. First a car parked near a repair shop on the edge of the Shiite slum of Sadr City blew up. Minutes later, a suicide car bomber drove into the crowd that had gathered near the site. — Our Glorious Information Agency, FOX News, July 10, 2006.

We are succeeding in Iraq. We know we are succeeding because our Glorious Leader asked Iraqis to bring it on and step up the attacks. The Iraqis have done as our Glorious Leader asked. This is all part of the Marvelous Five-Year Plan the end of which will be revealed in 2008 on the five-year anniversary of Our Glorious War. Semper fi, boo-rah, yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip get a job.

I was walking through the video store in my town today, when I wandered into the video game section, something I don’t usually do, as I don’t have a video game player and don’t have time to play games even if I had one. Yet, my eye was caught by the box for a particular game: The DaVinci Code video game.

I don’t get it. How can the DaVinci Code be a video game? How do you play? Race around Paris, looking at landmarks and competing against other players to see who can come up with the most elaborate, and yet implausible, interpretations for their characteristics?

The Arc de Triomphe… I know it… The ARC stands for Association Revolutionaire Crucifixe, which was a French secret society that worked in the shadows of perfume factories for centuries to disguise the fact that John the Baptist was really the Buddha’s great great grandson.

Fifty points!

Cnews displays the latest in the “Iraqi Disaster” photos:

This just makes me sick. Yes, this man is mourning the deaths of his relatives in another so-called “senseless bombing” that the liberal media keeps harping on like it mattered, as if these were Americans who died. Well, they weren’t Americans, so why should Americans have to look at this photo?

Besides this, I am disgusted to the core by this man’s behavior. Having your family members killed is no excuse. “Mourning” is no excuse. What a bratty sort of behavior, to try to justify one’s behavior by bringing in deaths in the family. Clearly, no one taught this man some courtesy. So let me be the one. Fella, Ahmid, whatever your name is, you SHOULD GET A CLEAN SHAVE. Your 5 o’clock shadow tells us all that you just don’t care. Slovenly appearances like this simply open the door for improper behavior on the part of the youth of today. So shape up, stop your useless gesticulating, and GET A SHAVE! Then you can “mourn” in whatever over-the-top fashion that the liberal media cameramen pay you to engage in.

Pathetic!

The communist New York Times is at it again.

In a “news” piece this morning that they evidently think is “funny,” the “reporters” at this left-wing moonbat operation revealed state secrets yet again. This time, they disclosed that Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo, Amish Country Popcorn, the Mule Day Parade, Sweetwater Flea Market, Nix’s Check Cashing, The Mall At Sears, and Bean Fest have been placed on the Department of Homeland Security’s database of locations under threat of terrorist attack.

They think this is a joke. They think it’s funny. Well, revealing state secrets like this is not funny! They’ve gone and made it easy for the terrorists again, letting them know that we know what they know, you know? Now that they we’re on to their plot to blow up Nix’s Check Cashing, they’re going to move on to even more vulnerable targets, like the Jiffy Lube next door. There are kids in that Jiffy Lube! Kids whose fathers laid down their lives in battle, so the New Commie Times could laugh over their graves and mock the threat that looms over Bean Fest!

Brian Lehman, owner of Amish Country Popcorn, knows the score. He knows the threat. He has an explanation: “Maybe because popcorn explodes?” That’s right, Brian, that’s right! Popcorn explodes! And you can fit hundreds of little popcorn bomblets into one little jar! When it explodes, the glass in the jar turns into shrapnel, shooting out at sixty miles an hour, severing heads and slicing into arteries. That’s a weapon of mass destruction right there, Sambo!

So go ahead, “journalists.” Laugh. You just go right ahead and laugh. That’s what the terrorists want. Be We The People know that in this age of terror, not even the Amish popcorn is safe.

This morning, I started exploring another corner of the world of social networking online. Much as MySpace tries to get people together by encouraging them to talk about music they like, Shadows tries to help people build connections by encouraging them to talk about the web sites they like. It’s a simple format. You sign up, and then just add links, rate the links, apply relevant tage, and write comments about comments about them.

It’s an interesting way to browse the web, though there is a combination of crass self-promotion and lots of adoration of the big players. How many more links to Daily Kos do we need?

I’m finding that there’s a lot of potential space on shadows for people who are interested in forming networks to bring traffic to small and mid-sized progressive sites. So, I’ve set up a shadows account under the name Irregular Progress. I’m eager to see where the linking will lead to from there.

If you’re game, join in.

When the first paragraph of a commie rag Washington Post article goes like this,

In the past two years, campaign and political action committees controlled by Rep. John Doolittle, R-Granite Bay, paid ever-larger commissions to his wife’s one-person company and spent tens of thousands of dollars on gifts at Saks Fifth Avenue, Tiffany and Co., and a Ritz-Carlton day spa.

you just know that the liberal media is at it again. How biased of them to write this! First of all, it’s not R-Granite Bay, it’s “Republican representing Granite Bay”! Why are they afraid to write the word “Republican”? Second of all, what’s wrong with a one-person company? A lot of people I know are self-employed, and they are good people! The Dumbocrats and Lieberals just can’t seem to get behind the notion that some people can lift themselves up by their bootstraps, or shoelaces, or stiletto straps, or whatever. Third of all, I’m sure Mrs. Doolittle is a very nice person. Why do they have to always bring in politicians’ families into the story? That’s so cruel and mean. It’s so personal! Finally, how do we know that these “gifts” were really “gifts”? Saks has some very useful items in its Housewares department that could be used in a campaign office. Tiffany and Co. has crystal, which is good for a staff picnic. And the Ritz-Carlton day spa thingy? I bet they just reserved a conference room for a staff retreat. You know, one of those things where they have a ropes course and foster togetherness and stuff. Which, HELLO, helps to win campaigns! Chuh.

Why won’t they stop attacking John Doolittle? The liberal media is so mean!

I find I keep filing my stories under “Outrages,” but my goodness, there are so many outrages in the world.

Remember when President Bush, his highness King George, told us all that by starting a war against Iraq, he would be triggering a wave of peace throughout the Middle East? We stupid Americans fell for it. Well take a look now - his ruddy Roadmap to Peace in Israel has turned into a Highway to Hell, and Iraq is descending into a bloody mass, and Iran is really, really going nuclear!

Can we get it through our fucking stupid heads this time, so that we never repeat the mistake again? War is not peace!

It’s because of Bush’s blundering that the Middle East is falling apart!

This is a poem being sent from a Marine to his Dad.
For those who take the time to read it,
you’ll see a letter from him to his Dad at the bottom.
It makes you truly thankful for not only the Marines,
but ALL of our troops.

THE MARINE

We all came together,
Both young and old
To fight for our freedom,
To stand and be bold.

In the midst of all evil,
We stand our ground,
And we protect our country
From all terror around.

Peace and not war,
Is what some people say.
But I’ll give my life,
So you can live the American way.

I give you the right
To talk of your peace.
To stand in your groups,
and protest in our streets.

But still I fight on,
I don’t bitch, I don’t whine.
I’m just one of the people
Who is doing your time.

I’m harder than nails,
Stronger than any machine.
I’m the immortal soldier,
I’m a U.S. MARINE!

So stand in my shoes,
And leave from your home.
Fight for the people who hate you,
With the protests they’ve shown.

Fight for the stranger,
Fight for the young.
So they all may have,
The greatest freedom you’ve won.

Fight for the sick,
Fight for the poor
Fight for the cripple,
Who lives next door.

But when your time comes,
Do what I’ve done.
For if you stand up for freedom,
You’ll stand when the fight’s done.

By: Corporal Aaron M. Gilbert, US Marine Corps
USS SAIPAN, PERSIAN GULF

March 23, 2003

Hey Dad,

Do me a favor and label this “The Marine” and send it to
everybody on your email list. Even leave this letter in it.
I want this rolling all over the US; I want every home reading it.
Every eye seeing it. And every heart to feel it.
So can you please send this for me? I would but my email time
isn’t that long and I don’t have much time anyway.
You know what Dad? I wondered what it would be like
to truly understand what JFK said in His inaugural speech.

“When the time comes to lay down my life for my country,
I do not cower from this responsibility. I welcome it.”

Well, now I know. And I do. Dad, I welcome the opportunity
to do what I do. Even though I have left behind a beautiful wife,
and I will miss the birth of our first born child, I would do it 70
times over to fight for the place that God has made for my home.
I love you all and I miss you ve ry much. I wish I could be there
when Sandi has our baby, but tell her that I love her,
and Lord willing, I will be coming home soon. Give Mom
a great big hug from me and give one to yourself too.

Aaron

FREEDOM isn’t FREE, someone pays for you and me.

Because we’re afraid.
Because we don’t have the bravery to take a blow and not respond.
Because we don’t have the creativity to figure out any alternatives.
Because it helps a lot of corporations make a lot of money.
Because it helps keep incumbent politicians in power.
Because it’s a convenient excuse for taking away our freedom.
Because it looks good on television.
Because we’d rather wave flags than ask our government hard questions.
Because fighting is easier than thinking.

… and if I put a picture of an American flag next to what I write, it must be true.

In Peregrin Wood’s post earlier, the question was asked;

Are the right wingers hoping for Armageddon?

I have to answer that question.

Yes, they are hoping for Armageddon.

I’m not being a smart ass, I really think they are. It’s the most logical explanation for the reasons behind their actions. Let’s look at this long and hard. Many christians and, most recently Star Jones, have said that atheists can’t be trusted because we don’t feel that we have to answer to a higher power. However if you look at the track record of the religious right in power they have become the most amoral people on the planet. They have started Holy Wars and are now looking to start fighting even more nations.

Someone once said that Bush thinks Armageddon is coming anyway so he doesn’t care how many things he fucks up while in office. I think whoever said that is right.

I would trust an atheist with an atomic bomb a lot quicker than I would a christian and I don’t say that because I’m an atheist myself.

Atheists know that this is the only life we’re going to get so we better do it right the first time.

On the flip side, christians think that no matter what they do, so long as they don’t mock the holy spirit, all they’d need to do is ask for forgiveness and they’ll get into heaven. And then everything will be all sandy beaches and umbrella drinks.

So sit back and take a long look at what’s going on in office. Holy wars, civil rights violations, power grabbing, money hoarding, and now possible expanded wars. This is what you get when those in power think the world is going to end anyway. This is what you get when christian fundamentalists get into office.

This is what you get when those in power think all they have to do is say sorry to god to make everything better.

The daughter of a Soldier

Last week I was in Atlanta, Georgia attending a conference. While I was
in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me
beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed
one of the greatest act’s of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camo’s, as
they began heading to their gate everyone (well almost
everyone) rose abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and
cheering. When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being
applauded and cheered for, it hit me. I’m not alone. I’m not the only
red blooded American who still loves this country and supports our
troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young
unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us
so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal. Just
when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our
service men and women a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran
up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said “hi,” the
little girl then she asked him if he would give something to her daddy
for her. The young soldier, he didn’t look any older than maybe 22
himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy.
Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave
him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughters name was
Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had
been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her
daughter, Courtney, missed her father, the young soldier began to tear
up. When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation,
all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of
the other servicemen pulled out a military looking walkie-talkie. They
started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over
to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, “I spoke to your daddy and
he told me to give this to you.” He then hugged this little girl that
he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying
“your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything
and he is coming home very soon.”

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young
soldier stood to his feet he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was
standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event as it unfolded. As
the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed
their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, their
were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one
last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney
with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and
thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it’s
good to be an American.

Red Friday
Just keeping you “in the loop” so you’ll know what’s going on in case
this takes off.

RED FRIDAYS —– Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing
Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to
be called the “silent majority”. We are no longer silent, and are
voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers.
We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. We get no liberal
media coverage on TV, to reflect our message or our opinions.

Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to
recognize that the vast majority of Americasupports our troops. Our
idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and
respect starts this Friday -and continues each and every Friday until
the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every
red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear
something red.

By word of mouth, press, TV — let’s make the United States on every
Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the
bleachers.

If every one of us who loves this country will share this with
acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long
before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the
once “silent” majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more
than the media lets on.

The first thing a soldier says when asked “What can we do to make
things better for you?” is…We need your support and your prayers.

Let’s get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and
wear something red every Friday.

THEIR BLOOD RUNS RED—- SO WEAR RED! — MAY GOD HELP AMERICA TO
BECOME ONE NATION, UNDER GOD.—–Again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY.

Dear Anti-War group,

Why do you live in this Nation?

Those who belive in what this Nation was founded on and the cornerstone of God in this Nation who dont care about there opinions and support the Nations leaders regardless of there own views take up their crosses and sacrifice everything to defend it. So if you so strongly oppose why we fight or why we have God as our cornerstone, then leave, get out. Why stay? True Americans lay down there life for this country so if you truly dont like America why do you live here. This country was built with these truths for our Nation. You didnt live back then it wasnt built to meet your standards. look at the Mexicans they dont like there country so they come here. I just dont get it Why do you stay? and if you are going to stay then STOP WHINNING!

You enjoy coming on here calling us chickens and cowards. Yet you ain’t even got balls enough to sign a user name to your posts.

I have a question for you, you festering pile of twat vomit. Can you find anything with some semblance of intellect to refute us with? I’ve got good money that says you can’t, hence why all you can do is spout hateful remarks and try to be a little e-bully.

Tell you what, bonehead, why don’t you go out and get some sun. Talk to some people. Go somewhere. Do something. Go play with your GI Joe’s.

In short, quit being a little piss-ant bitching out people you’ve never even met and who couldn’t really care what you have to think if all you can say is unproductive bitching.

~ Damen

Republican Newt Gingrich, seeking to promote his visibility as a presidential candidate in 2008, today declared that Americans should meet the militancy of Islamic radicals in kind, with American militancy. “We need to have the militancy,” Gingrich said.

Militancy is the noun that describes the state referred to by the adjective “militant”. Militant is defined by the The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language as “Fighting or warring” or “Having a combative character; aggressive”.

No, America does not need militancy. We do not need to encourage American militants to fight on our behalf.

What we need, Mr. Gingrich, is peace.

Thank goodness George W. Bush stopped a cease fire from taking place. After all, the Israelis are defending themselves… from this kid.

Yes, this child will never attack Israel again. He has been taught a lesson, and just in the nick of time. He was on the verge of sending more missiles raining down into Israeli cities.

We need to stand firm with Israel, against this kid.

The Washington Post reports this morning that President Bush is planning to use his first veto to stop the spread of “stem cell” research. I put “stem cell” in quotes because that’s a euphemism. Really, we’re talking about baby research here. Research on babies! Smearing them out on a petri dish and watching them get fat, then putting them in somebody’s pancreas, or something.

The closet satanists over at the University of Kansas say that these babies aren’t really babies, which makes me wonder why we call them “babies” then! They say that these “stem cell” babies are just blastocysts — a clump of cells that can’t think or feel or love or be cuddled.

That’s what they said before they killed Terrie Schiavo, wasn’t it? And yet there’s a video of her smiling! That’s what made me think that maybe we could see if the blastocysts smile, too.

Well, it didn’t take me long to verify that they do smile. Just look at this picture of a blastocyst:

See it? See the smile?

What, you can’t see it? Well, let me help you out with that:

Do you see it now? This little “blastocyst” is smiling, a smiling baby!

Save the baby! Does anyone know where this photo was taken? We need to stage an intervention. And let this baby, this beautiful smiling baby, live!

Now all we need is someone to volunteer her uterus. Will you do your part?

These stupid liberals are going all ga-ga today about a new study that purports to show that conservative Christian schools are in crisis because their students are performing at levels that are lower than public school students.

These free-thinking, free-acting free radicals are so out of touch with middle America that they don’t realize how ridiculous they sound. Let me tell you as someone who was in high school for 5 years that there is a lot more to school than just getting an education!

Learning, learning, learning. Reading, reading, reading. Achievement, achievement, achievement. I am so sick of these liberals trying to force these wacko values on our children!

Whatever happened to the good old power of prayer, I’d like to know! What good is it to get an education when the very moral foundation underneath our schools is crumbling? Why, I hear now that teachers are afraid to lay a hand on a child in public schools! They won’t give a child a needed thrashing because they’re afraid of some trial lawyer coming after them with a lawsuit if the kid gets hurt.

Well, how are kids going to learn if they don’t get hurt?

I say that until public school let prayer back into their classrooms, that our private Christian schools boycott all of this so-called education, and retaliate with a good prayer around the flagpole.

That’ll teach ‘em right!

Some people have come on here recently and noted that some of my predictions of imminent disaster have been founded in part upon the dire warnings in Bill Bryson’s book, A Short History of Nearly Everything. These people say that Bill Bryson can’t be trusted, that he got many things wrong.

Today, I want to ask the question that everyone seems to be afraid to ask: What is the motivation behind this widespread attack on Bill Bryson?

I will not be so naive as to believe that these criticisms are based upon disagreement’s with Bryson’s actual work. It is true that I read his book, and am reading another now, The Mother Tongue, about the history of the English language, in which I am learning great details such as the fact that asparagus used to be known as sparrow grass.

Who wants to keep this kind of information from the public? People who want us to forget our history and ignore the great perils with which we are threatened.

What will happen if they succeed in censoring Bill Bryson’s book? You know what. We’ve seen it before - giant book burnings, releasing ever larger amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, triggering an acceleration in global warming that will flood our coastal cities at the very same time that the censorship campaign will enable the return of the Nazi Third Reich in a campaign of terror that will be worldwide, because this time they’ll have nuclear weapons!

Scoff, if you like. Go ahead, scoff. You’ll be coming to me and Bill Bryson begging for help when the fallout starts snowing down on your front lawn, and your postage stamps have swastikas on them.

Yesterday, I wrote about the online virtual world of Second Life. I was interested in seeing if there is any potential at all for the development of Second Life as an arena for political activism. Could you set up a virtual environment within which political activists could meet and discuss? Would it be worth it to set up virtual billboards with political messages, or to set up a virtual shop where people could buy virtual t-shirts with virtual slogans for real life presidential candidates?

This morning, I have to say no. It’s nifty for about 30 minutes to go flying through this virtual world, looking at virtual spaceships and virtual houses with virtual statues, but after awhile, it begins to seem pointless. Real people spend real money to buy fake land in this virtual world. They pay real money rent on that land, and spend real time building houses made of nothing but pixels. They flit about from place to place, having conversations with other people they’ve never met, about where to go in that virtual world to get more virtual things. Hour after hour, it goes on.

And meanwhile, here in the real world, the most powerful person on Earth, the President of the United States, has been revealed to have used his power to block an investigation into his own criminal activity.

In any normal time, such an act would result in a political firestorm sure to end the presidency. But, these are not ordinary times. Tired of being outraged, Americans have mostly just stopped paying attention. When another Bush crime, another Bush abuse of power is revealed, Americans are now so used to having a Creep In Chief that they merely shrug their shoulders, say “I thought as much,” and move on.

Americans don’t want to be angry. They don’t want to be upset. So, they tune out. They may not all log into Second Life, but they enter their own little virtual worlds nonetheless, going about their business as if nothing is happening, shopping, watching funny TV shows, going to the movies, and above all else, not reading the newspaper. Americans are tripped out on denial. Timothy Leary, LSD has nothing on the the GOP.

I am frightened of what I will see today in reaction to this new example of President Bush’s abuse of power, the position he takes that he is above the law. I’m afraid that I won’t see much.

We’ll go on hearing about the fake billboards to get people to visit the That Girl Emily blog. We’ll discuss about how Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson are going to get married. We’ll get more news about the right wing outrage that President Bush used the word “shit”. We’ll be transfixed by the questions about whether Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are on the verge of getting a divorce or not. We’ll eagerly await Ted Danson’s new sitcom.

Faced with this new low, this new open defiance of the law by our own president, I am afraid that Americans will simply choose to go to the beach.

Oh, you lieberal sillies are getting their panties in a twist again!

This time, you’re upset that our dear President George W. Bush stopped an investigation into his conduct, using the power of the government that is, of course at his disposal. He got elected, duh, it’s his government, he can do what he wants to with it!

What’s funnier than this typical liberal stupidity is their suggestion that everybody “fix” things by writing a letter to the editor, calling a Congressman on the phone, or marching in the street or something like that. But they miss the point. Nothing will ever, ever be accomplished by trying to get people to change things for the better. The liberals would do much better if they learned to pray (it’s spelled P-R-A-Y) with fervor for the changes they wanted to see happen, and then learned to wait for God’s grace to make itself evident in the world.

That’s how real change will come about. Not stupid liberals insulting other people in the media!

Idiots!

ABFreedom thinks he’s asking the right question:

Will the LIEberal attitude even with unlimited funding solve the literacy problem?

I know ABF’s heart is in the right place. But ABF’s problem here is in even asking the question.

OF COURSE “the LIEberal attitude” won’t solve the literacy problem! Lieberal attitudes are attitudes of lying! How can you solve a problem when you’re lying! How can you learn anything when your teacher is lying to you? I mean, if the liberals out there were teaching our kids, knowing how much they lie about everything, how could little Susie trust that I does come after E except after C, or that “sh” doesn’t make a “zzzzz” sound?

If the liberals were in charge, they wouldn’t be teaching phonics — they’d be teaching Phonyics!

The point is that absolutely everything in the worldview of these Lieberals is geared around twisting truth into knots that aren’t truth knots, but become twisted lie knots. They are the rejects of the world, so we should all (r)eject them — to Sweden! Of course they couldn’t figure out teaching issues. They couldn’t even figure out a figure 8! Ha!

I have just seen the most arcane, twisted, political hit job I could have imagined. Republicans are working to smear Democratic candidate Michael Arcuri by saying that he’s hired Zogby International to uncover the secret that Ray Meier is gay.

Their line of reasoning is particularly idiotic. They say that at a campaign web site for another race, in Minnesota of all places, was found through the Google search “ray meier is gay”, and that the IP address of the search could be traced back to Zogby.

Well, wait a minute while I fill up my lungs to let out a big loud, BIG FUCKING WHOOOP!

Who cares? This looks like the kind of warped double bash that only a Republican could think up. Who cares if a politician is gay? Republicans, that’s who.

In the minds of a Republican, it’s okay if a politician breaks the law, lies to the people and kicks the Constitution in the teeth. What they can’t tolerate is if that politician is gay. So, they don’t care if Democrats nail them on substance. All they care about is that the sexual politics gets kept under the covers.

When will America grow up enough to forget the sex and look at the substance? It doesn’t matter if Ray Meier is gay. What does matter is that he is a Republican creep.

This is the most perverted sense of priorities that I can imagine. It makes me want to puke.

Hundreds of thousands of refugees. A hundred dead people every day. Infrastructure destroyed for years on end, with no hope for repair because of the ongoing fighting.

What makes what’s happening in Iraq not a civil war? Well, President Bush doesn’t want to say it’s a civil war.

The mainstream news media, always dutiful in its obligation to mindlessly parrot what the President says the truth is, have been struggling to find some way to not call Iraq in a state of civil war.

Well, now the mainstream news media are starting to face reality. This morning, Reuters writes:

“Tens of thousands more Iraqis have fled their homes as sectarian violence looks ever more like civil war two months after a U.S.-backed national unity government was formed, official data showed on Thursday.”

I remember back when the Bush Republicans refused to call the occupation an occupation, and told us with a straight face that there was no insurgency in Iraq. Anyone want to bet how long it will be before President Bush admits that there is a civil war in Iraq?

Earlier today I was hanging out, reading various favorite My Space blogs of mine, when I came across this paragraph by Survivor Alli:

“If the following statement offends anyone, I am sorry my feelings have offended you. I usually do not voice my political opinion but I feel I must since our president has made the statement that stem cell research is not moral. Is it moral to even produce humans in a test tube for the reason of selfish parents to have little clones of themselves, when there is probably a reason God didn’t allow them to have children in the first place and there are children starving all over the world that could be adopted? Is it not a moral thing to use our scientific knowledge to help the millions of people who are literally suffering with severely debilitating neurological diseases, and give them relief by the use of the stem cells that are just sitting in a cooler somewhere? Obviously our president has no knowledge about this subject, and is not close to anyone in the situation that stem cell research will save their lives. It seems to me that as the president kisses his little ’snowflake’ children on national TV he reminds me of someone else that was once in power. Hitler.”

Well, I agree with her on the matter of stem cell research — what’s up with President Bush, anyway? Hello? Clue phone, George, and it’s for you!

But that’s not what I want to write about. I want to write about this opening caveat: “If the following statement offends anyone, I am sorry my feelings have offended you.” Come on! I mean, I understand and all that people write this to keep other people from trashing them and so forth, but I really don’t think it is necessary.

And here’s why. The only way not to offend anyone is to say something completely unimportant, bland and boring. If you say anything that is at all remotely even kind of interesting, you can bet that you will offend someone out there somewhere. If you’re going to write something that is strongly felt, you should be ready for the possibility that your words will offend someone. You will be offensive if you are strong. So be strong! I mean, if you’re not going to risk being offensive, you might as well be dead, because all you’re going to do is be an acceptable mouthpiece for other people’s tastes and sensibilities.

Is anyone with me on this?

Some anonymous yahoo who writes for the blog Practically Harmless brings up the subject of “Snowflake Babies,” those cute little blastocysts who were abandoned in freezers by their mommies and daddies. Fortunately, a full 100 of these Snowflake Babies have been adopted, implanted in a loving new mommy’s uterus and born, leaving only 400,000 more to go!

I think this is a big moral challenge of our time. But the Anonymous Yahoo at Practically Harmless decides it’s better to poke fun:

The 400,000 frozen blastocysts out there (joined by 25,000 new ones every year) that are, ostensibly, going to be adopted by needy couples. Each and every one of them. Congratulations, kids; you’re frozen, in a big freezer in an embryology lab, and you don’t actually have a brain yet - or, for that matter, more than eight cells - and you can’t be seen without a microscope. But President Bush has given you a second chance.

Well, he’s sarcastic. He’s kidding.

But I’m not! OK, troops, gather up your womenfolk and listen up! We need 400,000 women THIS YEAR, right now, to save the lives of these blastocysts by donating their uteruses to grow these little blastocysts into big-time babies. Then we need 25,000 more women every year to save these little lights that have yet to shine. That’s 25,000 more pregnancies a year; 25,000 more blessings! I bet there must be tens of millions of evangelist women in the United States, and if just half of them are of bearing age, we should have no problem whatsoever in getting these Snowflake Babies born!

If you’re an interested female Christian conservative and you’re willing to give birth to a Snowflake Baby, just sign up right here, and we’ll get ‘er done! Just sign your name in the comment space below and I’ll personally hook you up with a deserving little blastocyst.

I know that there will a deluge of comments, perhaps in the tens of thousands in the first month, so I’ll be sure to get a box to hold it now!

I’m waiting now with anticipatory glee. Who will be the first of 400,000 conservative Christian women to donate their bodies to the cause?

If anyone has had the opportunity of reading the incredible book POWER VS. FORCE by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.[Hay House, Inc.], could you help me by turning to pages 68 and 69 [Map of Consciousness] and indicate to me where you think Rovian/Bushian consciousness is on that chart? Just indicate a level and maybe a reason or two, but please hold down the bi-polar political stuff.

My favorite Republican Senator, Ken Blackwell, has hit the nail on the head again:

I think homosexuality is a lifestyle, it’s a choice, and that lifestyle can be changed. I think it’s a transgression against God’s law, God’s will. The reality is again … that we make choices all the time. And, I think you make good choices and bad choices in terms of lifestyle. Our expectation is that one’s genetic makeup might make one more inclined to be an arsonist, or may make one more inclined to be a kleptomaniac. Do I think that can be changed? Yes.

Well, he hit one nail, that’s for sure. You can choose to not be gay. I know because it is just common sense. Not even regular common sense. God’s common sense! And you can choose not to be an arsonist. And you can choose not to be a kleptomaniac. It is true because it is in the Bible! God said it, in Revelations I think, and that settles it!

But here’s the question. Can you choose not to be a gay, kleptomaniac arsonist? I ask because I wonder if that much effort is possible. If it takes X amount of effort to choose not to be gay, does it take 3X effort to choose not to be a gay, kleptomaniac arsonist? Or is it not a linear thing, X+X+X? Is it more like it would take X*X*X effort to choose not to be gay? Or is it not even an exponential thing? Could it be a logarithmic transformation of effort required? Wow, that would be a lot! They say with God all things are possible, but even this faithful Fran turns into a doubting Dorothy when thinking about a logarithmic transformation of effort!

Can someone with a divinity degree help me out with this theological conundrum? I’m asking because I have this friend who needs that kind of help and I want to let this friend of mine know about it. Thank you!

How is it that little kids everywhere know the same implicit rules? For example:

You may sneak out of bed and hang out at the top of the stairs (or at the end of the bedroom hallway in a ranch house) to listen to your parents talk.

You may not actually make yourself known by stepping into the same room where your parents are.

You must run, pittery pattery, whispery giggly pell mell, back to bed when your parents approach the hall or the top of the stairs.

Who tells little kids this stuff? I don’t know, but it seems to happen everywhere.

Those raving, bloodthirsty maniacs who are justifying the American government’s full support for Israel’s missile attacks on civilian Lebanon are continuing their pro-war mantra: “Israel has the right to defend itself!”

Oh, but tonight, these lunatics are adding a new piece onto their pro-war mantra. After Israel bombed a United Nations outpost in Lebanon, killing 4 UN observers, the pro-war Americans started chanting, “Israel has the right to defend itself from from United Nations observers!”

Yeah, cause those United Nations observers are just terrorists, right? Killing Israelis, right? In league with Osama Bin Laden, right?

Yeah, fuckin right. Our nation has been led down into the bloody gutter in this new war. The United States of America now only seems to stand for killing every damned Muslim that it can get in its sights.

I am puking my guts out over this shameless blood fury. Why don’t we just start the fuckin gladiator festivals to satiate the need for America to watch violence? Rip up the National Mall in Washington, D.C., knock over the Lincoln Memorial, and install a giant colloseum for blood orgies that will make the Roman Empire’s sports look like shiatsu massage!

On the coast of Spain, the dues of global warming are coming in stings and jolts to tens of thousands of people. I’m talking jellyfish. Jellyfish are beginning an invasion of Europe!

Millions, probably billions, of jellyfish are amassing along Spain’s eastern shores. In the last week alone, over three thousand Spaniards have been attacked and treated by the Red Cross! Those who didn’t make it out alive will never be counted.

Why? Why is this happening? Environmentalists have one answer: They point out that the oceans have been overfished, removing the predators who would ordinarily keep jellyfish in check. At the same time, warming of ocean temperatures encourages plankton blooms upon which the jellyfish can feed and swarm.

All that may be true, but I think there’s something more to it. I have a theory that, when they are assembled in massive swarms, in sea water which is electrically conductive, they form a gigantic oceanic neural net, a collective consciousness. The jellyfish are growing into a giant brain!

Think all those attacks were accidental? No way in hell! The jellyfish brain is too smart to mistake a person for plankton.

They’re up to something… and if global temperatures keep climbing, it won’t be long before that giant jellyfish brain reaches America. A jellyfish brain that large won’t be stopped at our shores. It will find a way to invade the land… Perhaps Spain is just a trial run.

Beware the coming invasion of land jellyfish!

This’ll make ya stop & think!

Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes.
He stays up for days on end.

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.
He goes days or weeks without running water.

You complain of a “headache”, and call in sick.
He gets shot at, as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.

You put on your anti war/don’t support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.

You make sure you’re cell phone is in your pocket.
He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.

You talk trash on your “buddies” that aren’t with you.
He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.
He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.

You complain about how hot it is.
He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He does not get to eat today.

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.
He wears the same things for months, but makes sure his weapons are clean.

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.
He doesn’t have time to brush his teeth today.

You are angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.
He is told he will be held an extra 2 months.

You call your girlfriend and set a date for that night.
He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.
He holds his letter close and smells his love’s perfume.

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.
He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they’ll ever meet.

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own government and remembers why he is fighting.

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of the men like him.
He hears the gun fire and bombs.

You see only what the media wants you to see.
He sees the bodies lying around him.

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don’t.

He does what he is told.

You stay at home and watch TV.
He takes whatever time he is given to call and write home, sleep, and eat.

You crawl into your bed, with down pillows, and try to get comfortable.

He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gun fire.

You sit there and judge him, saying the world is a worse place because of men like him.

If only there were more men like him.

If you support our troops repost this.

I am tired of all the obeisance (thank you, Mr. Dictionary!) given to the Statue of Liberty by Lieberal Americans. I mean, look: it’s just a statue, given to New York (hello!) by the French (hello!). The Statue of Liberty did not sign the Declaration of Independence. The Statue of Liberty was not a Founding Father. The Statue of Liberty did not die for you in Vietnam!

No. The Statue of Liberty is a Trojan Horse (thank you, Mr. History Book!) given to us to infiltrate our society and fill it with wrong thinking by those communards, the French baguette monkeys. Just look at Emma Lazarus’s poem inscribed upon its base:

Lady Liberty? Hah! We have been worshipping a French Communist Whore!

Yesterday brought us news that the Israeli military attacked an aid convoy as it was attempting to bring humanitarian assistance to Lebanese civilians struggling for survival under the blast of Israel’s attempts to punish violence from Hezbollah.

over the last week and a half, we’ve all learned very well, like good little catechism students, that Israel has a right to defend itself. That’s what the President has to say, so it must be true. So, should we conclude Israel is doing something wrong by launching attacks against humanitarian aid convoys?

Hell, no! What we must conclude is that Israel has the right to defend itself against humanitarian aid convoys! After all, that convoy made the bad choice of trying to provide assistance to civilians who were under Israeli attack. That makes them damned anti-Israel terrorists, right? The real enemy of peace is Jan Egeland from the United Nations, who has called for a 72-hour truce, right?

I mean, the answer couldn’t possibly be that Israel is doing the wrong thing. Fuck, no! After all, Israel is an ally of the United States of America, and as we all know, American allies could never, ever do anything wrong!

Could they?

I’ve done it again, dear reader. I am a testament to the wonder of God’s creation. I am proof that humanity is intelligently designed. I am, in short, really smart.

How can I say this? Well, it’s true. I have regularly solved the world’s problems by simply using the brainpower given to me by Our Lord God. And — voila — the answer comes! Thank you, Lord, for making me such a good problem-solver. I am happy to be your humble servant as I bring the answers to the little people of the world.

My latest Opus is the partial solution of the problem of the Budget Deficits in Washington, DC, those nasty bills left over from the Clinton years like a drying, cracked stain on a once-beautiful dress. The problem is that the Government spends more than it collects in taxes. The National Park Service alone had a budget of $2,259,000,000.00 in the year 2004 alone. To get rid of the budget deficit, we have to cut spending, and the National Park Service seems to me to be a great way to start. After all, there are no factories in the National Parks. There are no corporate headquarters in the National Parks. Industry benefits in no way whatsoever from our National Parks. So why have them at all?

I suggest we do two things:

1. Sell off the National Parks to the highest bidder. Let someone pay to buy Yellowstone and turn it into some kind of green hippy eco-commune geothermal power plant. Let someone pay to buy the Great Smokies National Park and put up a Great Smokies Smoked Sausage hog farm and factory there; it’s a great branding opportunity. I figure we’ll get a couple hundred $billion that way, which will go a long way to shrinking the budget deficit next year.

2. Take the National Park Service out of the budget. With no national parks, why have a National Park Service? So that some slacker pot-head Environmental Studies major can get a welfare job as a park ranger? I don’t think so. There we go: that’s $2.3 Billion saved every year!

Some Unitarian out there is going to give me a hard time about now. Let’s call him “Alastair CareBear.” Alastair CareBear the Unitarian will say, “but what about the wonder and awe these great places inspire? Without these outposts for nature, how can humanity maintain its soul, its connection with the earth and the great circle of life that I learned about in The Lion King?” Barf. It’s called A LAWN, you twit. If you don’t have enough awe and reverence for nature, GET A BIGGER LAWN.

But really, you don’t even need a lawn if you know that the true source of awe, wonder and reverence is God. All you need is a Bible and your behind in the pews on Sunday to get all the awe, wonder, reverence and SALVATION that you need, Mr. CareBear. I hope you discover the truth of that statement before your dying day, but that’s not for me, His Humble Servant, to control. Let Go and Let God, Alastair.

Let Go and Let God. Yes, that should be our new National Parks policy. Faith-Based National Parks! Before they pave over the Grand Tetons, someone take a slideshow and they can show it in all the Churches as a testament to God’s power. Then pave ‘em over, because who needs the originals when you’ve got a slideshow? Take the park names off the Rand McNally Atlases so nobody can find the parks anymore. And then the Reverends can explain how wonderful it is that these parks are there, but nobody can find them, and when someone asks for directions, what do we say?

“Ah! It is a Mystery! Let us proclaim the Mystery of Faith!”

Works every time — and cuts the national budget, too.

Faith-Based National Parks!

Thank you, Lord, for bestowing me with sheer Genius!

In response to USMARINE’s plagiarized “Make You Think”:

This’ll make ya stop & take a whizz!

Your alarm goes off, you hit your kid in the mouth instead of the snooze button, and go back to sleep.
She’s been cleaning out toilets at no charge since 3 this morning.

You drink coffee sitting in your comfortable chair in the suburbs.
She can’t drink coffee. It makes her indigestion flare up.

You complain of a “headache”, and don’t sleep with your significant other for a month.
Headache? She wishes she just had a headache! With that ear infection and that funny feeling in her tooth, things just haven’t been the same since 1987.

You put on your conservative christian conformist polo shirt, and go meet up with your lily white congregation.
While you’re walking in, she notices that your polo shirt has tomato sauce on it.

You make sure your cell phone is in your pocket.
She clutches the satanic emblem she had branded above her left nipple last month. Damn, but it still hurts.

You talk trash on your “buddies” that haven’t shown up for the Wayne County Republican Party Steering Committee Meeting for two months in a row.
She knows that you went down on your “buddies” last week in the rec room.

You walk down the beach, thinking about how much your conservative ideals make you want to rob people.
She was robbed just last week by a conservative meanie just like you.

You complain about how hot it is.
“Hot?” she says. “Well, it isn’t the heat so much as the humidity, is it, and let me tell you it has been so humid here that I don’t think I can get out of the house, but I do have to feed those 300 homeless kids down at the shelter.”

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant sent you a Mexican waiter.
She kisses Mexicans waiters.

Your Mexican maid makes your bed and washes your clothes. Then you fire her and report her to the INS.
She teaches Mexican maids English as a Second Language.

You go to the mall and buy a “What Would Jesus Do?” bumper sticker, and run over a bunny rabbit on the way.
She makes bumper stickers using her leftover fingernail clippings, and gives all the proceeds to kids with leukemia.

You voted for George W. Bush, and sent him an illegal campaign contribution.
She votes Green Party all the way and has perfect white teeth.

You kick babies.
She loves babies.

Your kids are healthy and have a big trust fund.
Her kids are afflicted with chronic diseases affecting every major organ system.

You make jokes about Green Party voters.
She has to collect her own urine for some obscure medical reason.

You see only what the media wants you to see.
She sees the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!

You are asked to save the little baby rabbits in the path of the lawn mower. You don’t.
She saves baby rabbits, all righty.

You sit there and judge her, saying that people who help people are stupid fucking idiots. Then you hit your mom in the teeth with a tire iron.
If only there were more Green Party voters like her.

If you love babies and the little fluffy bunnies repost this.
If you don’t repost this, you hate babies and the little fluffy bunnies.

Last week, I wrote about the need for 425,000 mommies to put those poor little frozen blastocysts in their uteruses, adopt them and raise them as their own precious snowflake babies. I said I would hook people up with some of those cute blastocysts, if only they would leave a comment with their contact information. H-e-double-toothpicks, I’d just take your e-mail address! I said I was sure that all the good conservative Christian mommies with intact uteruses would be sure to offer their services. After all, we’re talking about saving a human life here! Those blastocysts are babies! And who wouldn’t save a baby???

But nobody has volunteered.

Why? What am I missing here?

You know, when I first heard that Mel Gibson had said, while being arrested recently in California, some “offensive things,” I was really really worried. I thought maybe the star of Lethal Action had said “Stem cell research is not such a bad thing” or “Gay? OK!” or “F**k, but those Buddhists really have a point there.” That would have been a level of career-destroying offensiveness, for sure.

But then I read the actual police report of Mel Gibson’s remarks while being arrested for driving after drinking the communion wine (what’s wrong with that? nothing but being RELIGIOUS!). Here’s all the nicest guy in Hollywood ever said:

“My Life Is Fucked” — Well, that’s all Jesus said, really. All our lives are “fucked,” until we accept Jesus as our personal savior!

“You Mother Fucker. I’m Going to Fuck You. You’re Going to Regret You Ever Did This to Me.” — Everybody knows these are lines from Mel Gibson’s latest film, A Trial of Faith, about a man whose wife leaves him for a chinchilla in a state with same-sex marriage, triggering a crisis of faith that involves a lot of swearing at God. But don’t worry — the movie shows in the end that God can handle being sworn at, and eventually forgives Gibson. In the meantime, come on, the Saucy Aussie was just rehearsing his lines!

“I Own Malibu” — OK, well maybe he does. That’s a good thing to know: he’s a property owner, a good upstanding citizen and all. A nice factual statement.

“I’m Going to Get Even With You” — said to the police officer, this makes sense. Mel Gibson, upright conservative Christian paragon that he is, is only telling the nice office that he’s not going to “get odd” with him tonight. No fag boy, that Mel Gibson! We all breathe a sigh of relief.

“Fucking Jews” — well, they do “that,” you know. That’s how they perpetuate their scheme to overtake all the world’s population and turn them into banking customers!

“Are You A Jew?” Good thing to know, because if so, there’s one more Jew who needs a nice New Testament sent to them as a thank you gift and chance at salvation!

“The Jews are Responsible for all the Wars in the World.” OK. So. Well. This looks really bad. At first glance. But when you consider that um, well, with the hypotenuse of the square of the Pythagorean Theorem in the second case, the smiggledy smaggle of the plumbum in green mainly takes the exclusionary clause in an unnecessarily literal manner. You know what I mean? See, no problem!

Thank you, Mel Gibson, for continuing to show the gracious goodness of Christian conservatism the whole world through. I am your number one fan, and you are my hero!

So, the New York Times has endorsed Ned Lamont, rejecting Joseph Lieberman’s term in Senate one “in which the never-ending war on terror becomes an excuse for silence and inaction”. Swell.

What does this mean? Mainstream pundits are viewing it as a devastating blow to Lieberman’s re-election campaign. But does that mean that we’re supposed to believe that Lieberman’s campaign was doing well until the big newspaper’s endorsement of Lamont?

Washington D.C. pundits just can’t imagine that Connecticut voters might have been making conclusions about Joseph Lieberman’s right wing politics on their own, but that’s just what has been happening. Lieberman has been a stain on the Democratic Party for years, long before the Iraq War was begun. Starting with Lieberman’s preaching condemnation of Bill Clinton’s personal life, and extending through the drag of his religious preoccupations on Al Gore’s 2000 presidential campaign, many of the Democratic Party’s most devastating defeats have been due in large part to Lieberman’s insistence in promoting a narrow, restrictive vision of what it means to be an American.

It’s good that the New York Times is finally joining grassroots Democrats in their rejection of Joseph Lieberman. However, it’s not the editorial of the Times that will have sunk Lieberman’s career. Senator Lieberman managed to do that all on his own.

A few days ago, someone came on here and left a diary consisting of nothing more than a piece of hokey poetry sent around as a chain email. The message was one designed to elicit unconditional support for soldiers sent over to other countries to fight and kill people.

It bothered me to think that, for many Americans, the preferred method of dealing with foreigners seems to be to invade their countries and kill them. American xenophobia isn’t expressed just in terms of war, but also in terms of this year’s push to make English the only official language of the United States - as if there is something inherently menacing in a foreign language.

I thought back to a song that I heard a long time ago, performed back in 1991 by Raffi to a crowd of children. Remember 1991, when people had hope for the world, and there was the promise of the Peace Dividend to deliver us from the Republicans’ debts?

Well, this song was pretty simple, consisting of the simple declaration of the names of children from different countries. The point was simple too - human beings from different cultures and countries have the fundamental things in common, and we ought to try to understand each other instead of being afraid of our mutual foreign identities. It’s a simple message that has, sadly, largely been lost.

I’d like to hear a lot more of this song. Here are the lyrics:

Janet lives in England
Pierre lives in France
Bonnie lives in Canada
Ahmed lives in Egypt
Moshe lives in Israel
Bruce lives in Australia

Ching lives in China
Olga lives in Russia
Ingrid lives in Germany
Gita lives in India
Pablo lives in Spain
Jose lives in Columbia.

And each one is much like another
A child of a mother and a father
A very special son or daughter
A lot like me and you.

Koji lives in Japan
Nina lives in Chile
Farida lives in Pakistan
Zocha lives in Poland
Manuel lives in Brazil
Maria lives in Italy.

Kofi lives in Ghana
Rahim lives in Iran
Rosa lives in Paraguay
Najee lives in Kenya
Dimitri lives in Greece
Sue lives in America.

And each one is much like another
A child of a mother and a father
A very special son or daughter
A lot like me and you.