Irregular Times Diaries: Unfit Discussion

On the coast of Spain, the dues of global warming are coming in stings and jolts to tens of thousands of people. I’m talking jellyfish. Jellyfish are beginning an invasion of Europe!

Millions, probably billions, of jellyfish are amassing along Spain’s eastern shores. In the last week alone, over three thousand Spaniards have been attacked and treated by the Red Cross! Those who didn’t make it out alive will never be counted.

Why? Why is this happening? Environmentalists have one answer: They point out that the oceans have been overfished, removing the predators who would ordinarily keep jellyfish in check. At the same time, warming of ocean temperatures encourages plankton blooms upon which the jellyfish can feed and swarm.

All that may be true, but I think there’s something more to it. I have a theory that, when they are assembled in massive swarms, in sea water which is electrically conductive, they form a gigantic oceanic neural net, a collective consciousness. The jellyfish are growing into a giant brain!

Think all those attacks were accidental? No way in hell! The jellyfish brain is too smart to mistake a person for plankton.

They’re up to something… and if global temperatures keep climbing, it won’t be long before that giant jellyfish brain reaches America. A jellyfish brain that large won’t be stopped at our shores. It will find a way to invade the land… Perhaps Spain is just a trial run.

Beware the coming invasion of land jellyfish!