Irregular Times Diaries: Unfit Discussion

It is absolute, undeniable science that bottlenose dolphins are beginning to look more human. After trying to keep it hushed up, Japanese scientists have finally admitted that they have captured a bottlenose dolphin that has legs – just like a human being!

Bottlenose dolphins appear to be part of some kind of genetic experiment in which mutations arise, and then cause species to change form, until they are able to exploit environments that they could not even access before. Put emphasis on the word exploit!

It seems that bottlenose dolphins, which some scientists believe could be even more intelligent than human beings, are growing legs so that they can learn to walk on land. And what do you think will happen then? They’re clearly intent upon becoming the master race, using their big brains to become our superiors, and take over our civilization, becoming the new dolphin elites! They’ll have us catching their fish for them soon enough.

And you think you can get away and hide? Oh, no. Bottlenose dolphins use echolocation to find things that are hidden, so they can “see” you when you’re sleeping! Remember, sound goes through solid walls. There’s nothing they won’t be able to spy on.

It won’t be too long before they start using their new strong legs to go hunting on land, and then we’re all going to die!

Look for signs of the invasion first at your local sushi bar.