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Archives from day » 10, January 2007

The Real Equation of Religion With a Pickle

Theists can theoretically be superior to atheists, if the theists help little old ladies across the street, ride bicycles, and eat gourmet pickles, so long as they don't sexually abuse altar boys, and brush their teeth afterwards.

Dattaswami recent came on here purporting to prove that religious people are always superior to people who don’t believe in religion with the following semi-mathematical equation: “Negation of God is – 100. All the other good qualities are only + 99. Therefore a good atheist results as -1. The gratefulness to God is +100. All the other bad qualities are only -99. Therefore a bad theist results as + 1. Ofcourse a good theist is +199. A bad atheist is – 199. You should aim at + 199 and not just at +1.”

Well how about this one, then, Dattaswami? I say that negation of God is 50. Belief in God is – 200. Eating a gourmet pickle is 100, minus 5 for the resulting bad breath, which equals 27. Helping a little old lady across the street is 100. Riding a bicycle instead of a car is 100. However, sexually abusing altar boys is – 400. Therefore, theists can theoretically be superior to atheists, if the theists help little old ladies across the street, ride bicycles, and eat gourmet pickles, so long as they don’t sexually abuse altar boys, and brush their teeth afterwards. After the pickle, that is.


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