America Attacked With Gravity Bomb!
Holy warped space-time continuum! The newest threat to the United States is one that was never expected: Americans are shrinking!
A study by the University of Michigan finds that the height of the average American male has decreased from its historical high. ABC News struggles to come up with explanations, guessing that Americans’ diet may not be providing them with enough nutrition to grow as tall as they used to.
I say that’s grasping at straws.
Why won’t the media talk about the clear reason for the new American shortage?
There is good reason to believe that it isn’t just American people who are shorter. In fact, the United States of America itself may be less tall than it was at the time of the Revolution of 1776.
All evidence points to the use of a gravity bomb by Al Qaeda – a bomb that is silent and invisible, but which warps the space-time continuum in such a way that America’s stature in the world is progressively condensed.
If Al Qaeda is not stopped soon, adult Americans could be only an average of four feet tall! Think of the consequences! The carnival industry will be devastated, with all of its potential customers too short to get on the rides!
Why do they hate our cotton candy?
Date: June 22, 2007
Categories: homeland insecurity, science
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