Irregular Times Diaries: Unfit Discussion

Have you ever wondered why the population of so many small towns in America is getting smaller, even as the population of the United States grows larger? Oh sure, the “population experts” say that young people are leaving small towns to go to the cities, but think about it: Have you ever actually seen most of the people who have left your home town after high school in order to go to the city? Maybe you’ve seen one or two of them, but what ever happened to the rest?

Yes, everyone says that those people are happy off living somewhere else, having successful careers. Think about it, though. How do you know it’s true? Don’t those stories just seem a little bit too convenient, all wrapped up so neat and tidy?

It’s been keeping me up nights, just thinking about it, and thinking about it, until the wee hours of the morning. Think about it long enough, and it starts to become clear that these stories are all just efforts to explain away a deeper, more terrifying truth: The American Army is invading small towns with helicopters mounted with ray guns that turn people into wooden statues.

It’s the only explanation.

You may not believe me, but I have proof. I have this photograph. Seeing is believing.

They turned the kid around the corner into a wooden statue, and I said nothing, because I was not a wooden statue. They turned my mailman into a wooden statue, and I said nothing, because I was not a wooden statue. They turned my neighbor into a wooden statue, and I said nothing, because I was not a wooden statue. Then, when they turned me into a wooden statue, there was no one left to speak for me, because everyone was a wooden statue.