Irregular Times Diaries: Unfit Discussion

In a time of the spring, old paths are obscured and new growth begins.

July 30, 2007

The Power of Faith Healing in Phoenix

by @ 7:57 am. Filed under Perversion, religion

Let’s all celebrate the healing power of faith in our lives! Let’s give testimony to the example provided by Ronald Marquez of Phoenix, Arizona, a God-fearing man if ever there was one!

Ronald Marquez was in the process of expelling demons from his 3 year-old granddaughter, grabbing her by the throat and choking them out of her, good man, while her devoted mother sat in the corner, chanting prayers, covered with blood from her own struggle with the demons.

Some demon-inspired neighbor called the police to try to stop Mr. Marquez. The police burst in, and tried to stop Marquez from choking the demons in his granddaughter by blasting him with a stun gun. Still, Marquez was determined to force the demons out of his granddaughter’s body, so he held on, and only released his hands from around his granddaughter’s throat when he was hit with the stun gun again and he lost consciousness.

That’s the power of faith! We can expect to see this story written up in the religion section of the local newspaper soon, I’m sure.

Sadly, the police interrupted the exorcism, and the 3 year-old girl, now in the hospital, is still possessed by demons. If only her grandfather had been able to keep on strangling her body, I’m sure that would have saved her, in the name of Jesus.

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165 Votes | Average: 3 out of 5165 Votes | Average: 3 out of 5165 Votes | Average: 3 out of 5165 Votes | Average: 3 out of 5165 Votes | Average: 3 out of 5 (165 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

10 Responses to “The Power of Faith Healing in Phoenix”

  1. Iroquois Says:

    I think one of my neighbors is possessed. If this is a true story, I wonder if I could get Mr. Marquez to come out here and help her.

  2. Iroquois Says:

    Holy shit, and thanks for the link by the way. The mother was chanting naked? And the 49-y-o grandfather died after being stunned? We had a couple deaths here from stun guns, one with a 15 year old, but no deaths so far for demonic possession.

    But with Mr. Marquez deceased, now I need a Plan B for my neighbor.

  3. jclifford Says:

    How do you know there’s no demonic possession? Maybe it’s all Satan’s plan for world domination. ;-)

  4. Iroquois Says:

    I said no DEATHS from demonic possession, jclifford. I know for a fact my neighbor is possessed. She’s certifiable. She also goes to one of those churches where they read those “taken up” books all the time.

    I don’t know about Satan, I think Pinky and the Brain have the plan for world domination.

  5. Barley Says:

    One synonym for “Left Behind” is half-assed.

  6. Iroquois Says:

    As far as I can tell she still has both cheeks and they are of a noticeable size. Perhaps she has both the “left behind” and the “right behind”. Hee, hee.

  7. Ralph Says:

    Why can’t they just get themselves raptured already, and leave the rest of us alone?

  8. Iroquois Says:

    How did you do that Ralph? An hour after you typed that, another neighbor came over and told me The Demonically Possessed One was moving out and would be gone in two days. He had just been contacted to do the apartment. She has beamed herself up, at the very moment you typed the words.

    Can you also arrange to have me get a really lucrative job in two days? While we’re at it, maybe my love life….I’d like to meet someone like Jim, only older,… at your convenience, of course, when you have time…

  9. Ralph Says:

    Earthly riches and the pleasures of the flesh?

    The true follower of the Way craves not these things!

    (Which is just fine for the rest of us, because there will be more to go around when they all get zapped up into space.)

  10. Iroquois Says:

    Hey, it’s not like I’m asking for a Hollywood mansion with a swimming pool full of guys, or to own half of California or anything. I’d just like to be a little bit comfortable. I’ve paid my dues already.

    But you can stop expelling demons from my building already, Ralph. The Possessed One has returned her key but now another guy back there has given notice. He was her spy and was baptized into the Catholic church last winter. They will all be beamed up and we will all breathe a sigh of relief.

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