Irregular Times Diaries: Unfit Discussion

A spaceship sent from Earth to explore the planet Mercury has discovered a giant spider living there. The creature is 40 kilometers wide.

Scientists writing for the magazine New Scientist (what happened to the old scientist, I’d like to know) admit that they categorize the meeting of the spaceship and the spider was a “close encounter”. Yet, trying to be coy, so as not to provoke panic among Earthlings, the scientists merely called the spider a “strange spider-shaped feature”.

Well, let’s think now. What is most shaped like a spider? Answer: A spider! Clearly, the most obvious explanation for this “spider-shaped feature” is that it’s a spider.

Besides, the name of the Earth spaceship that was sent to Mercury was Messenger. Any fool can understand that one does not send a messenger to a place where it is believed that there is no one to hear a message. Scientists, it seems, have known about the giant spider living on Mercury for some time, and they have reason to believe that the Mercury spider is intelligent enough to understand out language.

What else can this giant spider do? Travel through outer space, perhaps?

The bad news: There is not believed to be very much for spiders to eat on the planet Mercury. That goes double for a giant spider.

Earth, on the other hand, is filled with food – enough to feed even a giant 40-kilometer spider for years.

We can expect that giant spider from Mercury to visit the Earth soon, and we should expect it to be very hungry.

Prepare your underground shelter now.

I saw this calendar in the shopping mall today, and it pretty much says everything that needs to be said about the presidential campaign of Rudolph Giuliani.

Giuliani was engaged in a giant sadistic bet. He was betting that Americans would still be so terrified of the weak terrorist threat that they would clamor to him, begging to be rescued. Save us, Rudy! Save us, Sir Rudolph! So, Giuliani sat, counting down the days, waiting for the terrorist attack that he was sure would come, to propel him to victory. Alas for Giuliani’s plans, but nicely for the rest of us, no terrorists have had the werewithal to attack. The spectre of a looming attack has proven to be just a spectre.

So it is that Giuliani’s new year has been stuck in the past, right next to Father Knows Best calendars, as at the shopping mall. Giuliani’s time is long over.

Bye bye, Rudolph.