Azospirillum brasilense, the species of bacteria studied, lives in the dirt, which explains why so many people feel uneasy when they are in an unclean environment. Science Daily writes that the new research suggests that “bacteria are more capable of complex decision-making than previously known.”

As the bacteria plot to destroy us, we may have traitors in our macrobiological world as well. Researcher Gladys Alexandre, at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, is quoted as saying of the smart little critters that “bacteria are, in their way, big thinkers, and by knowing how they ‘feel’ about the environment around them, we can look at new and different ways to work with them.”

Well, Ms. Alexandre, you can go join the little slimy germs of the world, but as for the rest of us real Americans, we’ll stick together!