Two days ago, I asked whether ONE Republican would commit in writing to write a letter to the editor condemning the Bush administration’s decision to put people living on American soil in indefinite detention, without evidence, without charges, without being informed of the reason for their arrest, without required access to a lawyer, in solitary confinement, without a public or speedy trial, but yet under regular interrogation — and then to keep this secret from the American public.

I am still waiting.

Come on, Republicans. This is so obviously wrong that it shouldn’t be too much of a stretch for you to write a letter on principled grounds. Am I right?

Or is this one of those “Christian moral values” things I, as a secular liberal, just don’t understand?

The past three years have seen the emergence of a new religion, or perhaps I should say anti-religion: Bushanity. I call Bushanity an anti-religion because its article of devotion is opposition to (rather than worship of) the supernatural forces of George W. Bush and his demonic cabal. Bushanity’s article of faith is that Bush and his minions have managed to mastermind major acts of evil in the 21st Century.

World Trade Center destruction? Bush and his cabal did it.
Pentagon attack? Bush and his cabal were behind it.
2004 Election? Bush and his cabal rigged it.
Tsunami? Bush did it.

These conspiracy theories follow a pattern.

First, come up with a nominally plausible story — one that could somehow possibly be true. Of course, it’s nominally plausible that blue space aliens are controlling my thoughts by remote control, so the standard is low here. For stylistic and strategic reasons, it’s important to include in the nominally plausible story some side facts that are demonstrably true.

Second, point out that the side facts in the nominally plausible story are true, lending “support” to the nominally plausible story.

Third, find some “experts” to agree with the theory. These “experts” either are actual experts whose nuanced statements are misinterpreted and misquoted, are people who have an impressive-sounding credential but in an area unrelated to the matter at hand, or are career “experts” with no actual expertise.

Fourth, ascribe the lack of proof for to an astoundingly devious cover-up carried out by the Bush administration (the same administration that flubbed Iraq and social security) with such great skill that the cover-up itself is also not empirically apparent. In fact, the very lack of evidence for the cover-up is evidence that the cover-up has been successful. The bastards!

Fifth, build communities of faith willing to build and enforce a catechism of internally-accepted “truths” regarding the nominally plausible story. Within this community, shared belief by peers further builds faith in the story. Social bonds within the community of faith can be used to enforce the catechism, punishing those who drift or question the faith with criticism and ostracism.

Look, in the real world there are actual conspiracies. And you know I believe Bush and the Republicans are taking the United States and the world in the wrong direction. But just because Bush is a bad dude and because there have been from time to time conspiracies in the world does not mean that Bush and his cabal are behind every bad thing that happens.

In my opinion, the people who are trying to pin everything from terrorist attacks to moldy bread on George W. Bush and his Republican circle of advisors are engaging in religious fetishism and oversimplification. Like a sexual fetish, the Bush fetish is a thrilling, exciting way to channel obsession. And it’s a whole lot easier to condemn the Republican agenda if you can turn George W. Bush into Lex Luthor, sitting in his swampy headquarters of the Legion of Doom, cackling as he plots how to arrange the next tsunami. It’s comforting, too, because all you have to do is send Superman and Wonder Woman (and maybe Gleek) over to capture that eeeevil George W. Luthor and put him in a force-field protected prison, and then everything will be OK.

Less comforting is the thought that there’s more than one source of dastardly action in the world, that no one person or cabal is in complete control, that sometimes natural disasters just happen for reasons not having to do with conspiracies, and that misguided, harmful policies are enacted out in the open by large, impersonal systems that cannot be stopped without the sustained mobilization of millions of people.

W Sideways: The Greek Letter

updated… OK, you didn’t like that one. How about this one?

W Sideways: The Pretzel

Or do I just need a humor transplant?

Today’s Plain Dealer tells how, in Adams County, Ohio, a group of ministers got the idea that the Adams County / Ohio Valley school district should put four 800-pound monuments displaying their interpretation of the “Ten Commandments” in front of the entrance to the district’s four public high schools. District officials thought this was a Jim-Dandy idea, and did just that. The monuments stood for five years before the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled these displays were unconstitutional. Yesterday, the Supreme Court affirmed their unconstitutionality.

See, the thing that those liberal assholes don’t understand is that those 800-pound monuments at the entrances to the public high schools were placed there as a statement about humanity’s legal history. Yeah, that’s it. Legal history. Why can’t the legal historians in our country get a fair shake?

I noticed, watching George W. Bush’s speech last night on why we should stay fighting in Iraq, that he did not mention, even once, his previous claims that we had to invade Iraq because Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

Heck, Bush didn’t even try his old hackneyed excuse that Iraq had weapons-of-mass-destruction-related-program-facilities-luncheon-menu-specials.

What did Bush give as a reason for us to start this stupid, bloody war? Bush said we had to invade because Iraq had “lethal weapons.”

Lethal weapons like what?
- handguns?
- bows and arrows?
- ninja throwing stars?
- slingshots?
- really big stones?
- scissors that the Iraqis were running around with?

I heard all this highfalutin talk last night about the great moral purpose we went into the war with, to help bring peace and democracy to the people of Iraq.

Funny thing, but thinking back to the fall of 2002 and spring of 2003 I don’t remember the people of this nation endorsing the war in Iraq for high moral reasons. I remember 20-year-old kids at the mall wearing “Fuq Irack” shirts. I remember someone thinking it was really clever to alter the “No Iraq War” lawn sign in my yard so that it read “No Iraq.” I remember my brother-in-law telling me troops should go over there and kill as many Iraqis as possible before they could kill us.

The people I saw did not enter this war in high moral dudgeon. They pointed the way to war with glee, their eyes flashing with joyful hatred. And, of course, none of them are in Iraq right now.

Just for fun, a writing challenge:

Write a paragraph taken from the middle of a novel that contains the following words:

escalator
unzip
lubricate
obsequious
hang
kill

Have at it!

Every day, it looks more certain that Republican Congressman Randy Cunningham will not be returning to Capitol Hill in 2006. Last night, we learned that the Congressman who’s given name is Randy, but also likes to be known as “Duke”, has been issued a subpoena by a grand jury.

As our writer J. Matthew Cook has reported, Congressman Cunningham is just one of several Republican members of Congress, including Virginia’s Virgil Goode, who appear to have ethically inappropriate relationships with MZM, Inc., a mysterious corporation that seems to be at least as busy cutting deals with Republicans in Congress as it is cutting more traditional business deals. We’ll wait until the trial is done to call it bribery for sure, but the evidence sure looks damning.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, the sharks of the Republican Party are already circling around Mr. Cunningham, their dear old chum. I’m counting 7 GOP politicians who have lined up their wagons to run for Cunningham’s seat just in case he bites the dust - although none of them have made the challenge official yet. The wiser voters in California’s 50th congressional district will look at these Republican politicians with an extra critical eye, given their close connections with Cunningham and the clear failure of the Republican Party in their area to provide them with a candidate who has the kind of integrity voters deserve. Take a look at the local GOP’s history, for crying out loud - they’ve been lining up behind Cunningham for years, giving him as much help as he wanted, no matter how he betrayed ordinary voters.

There’s one person who is standing up for true integrity for voters in California’s 50th district: Democrat Francine Busby. Way back before the story of Congressman Cunningham’s apparent corruption broke, it was Francine Busby who was standing up to Cunningham and calling for a more positive vision and more responsible leadership.

We think that such foresight is just the kind of quality America needs more of in the US Congress. With no powerful incumbent to crush a truly open campaign, it seems that Francis Busby can be part of a larger effort to kick the dangerous Republican elites out of Congress in 2006 and replace them with an honest, progressive majority.

Whether or not you live in California, you can help. Please visit the official Francine Busby for Congress in 2006 web site to find out how.

Francine Busby for Congress Button

Quagmire: area of land with soft, sticky, muddy surface.

So you see, the United States is not in a quagmire in Iraq. Most areas of the nation are quite dry.

“Vote With Christ” — these billboards popped up around the country just before the 2004 elections.

Well, that’s a nice idea, but exactly how should we “Vote With Christ?” I mean, the problem is that we’ve got a secret ballot and everything, so it’s kind of hard to know how Christ is going to vote. We could ask Christ, I suppose, but Christ doesn’t tend to answer, I’ve noticed, and it might be a bit awkward. I mean, social convention already says we’re not supposed to talk about sex, religion or politics in conversation. The last thing I want to do is make Christ feel uncomfortable. Fortunately, I’ve figured out a method for figuring out how Christ votes, and therefore how to Vote With Christ, and I’m happy to share it with you.

Read on to find out how you can Vote With Christ…

The United States Constitution requires that people arrested for a crime be charged, be made aware of charges, be given access to a lawyer, and be granted a speedy and public trial. The Fifth and Sixth Amendments to the United States Constitution:

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

The American Civil Liberties Union and Human Rights Watch released a report yesterday that establishes a new Republican policy designed to deny these constitutional rights to scores of people — right here on American soil.

It has now been revealed that the Bush administration decided to call a person a “material witness” and stash them away in indefinite detention, without evidence, without charges, without being informed of the reason for their arrest, without required access to a lawyer, in solitary confinement, without a public or speedy trial, but yet under regular interrogation. And then they decided to keep this secret from the American public.

For month after month after month, the ACLU and HRW and even the United States Congress asked the Bush administration to provide complete information regarding its “material witness” detainees on American soil. The Bush administration refused to provide this information, often simply ignoring these official requests.

Finally, through repeated efforts, the ACLU and HRW were able to obtain information on some of these cases. Although it still is unclear to how many people this has happened, the two groups have been able to confirm 70 cases. There may be many more, but the Bush administration isn’t talking. Although the Constitution applies to all people living in America, for those of you who believe this is important 17 of the 70 we now know about are American citizens.

Read the report here.

In the America where I was born, this wasn’t thinkable. In the America I grew up in, revelation of this information would have led to shock, outrage and scandal. Is this America anymore?

Liberals like myself are of course upset about this because we believe in liberty. Time was, Republicans did, too. But now I’m not so sure. I’ve visited dozens of the top Republican blogs, and I can’t find a single post on this report. I can’t find a single Republican outraged enough about all this to take public action.

Am I being unfair? Fine, prove me wrong. Is there a single Republican reading this who will make a written commitment here to write a letter to the editor against this unAmerican practice? A single one?

Still waiting…

Still waiting…

Still waiting…

Vice President Dick Cheney says that the Iraqi rebellion is in its “last throes”. He says that the rise in violence in Iraq is due to the upcoming success of democracy and American-led changes. These claims remind me of nothing so much as the insistence from Bush Administration officials in first months of the American occupation that the violence in Iraq was really just a sign that Iraqi extremists were upset that peace would soon reign over the land.

Well, as that 1980s big hair glam metal band sang to us, every rose has its thorns. So, I’m left this morning with the task of comparing Cheney’s rosy comments about Iraq with the thorny reality of what I’m reading about what happened in Iraq yesterday:

Most everyone knows by now about the Denver Three, a trio of citizens who were kicked out of a public “Town Hall Conversation” meeting with George W. Bush, even though they had legitimate tickets, even though they were making no disruption, by a White House operative posing falsely as a secret service agent.

Why did they get kicked out? Because the Bush team didn’t like the bumper sticker on the car they drove to the event. When I read my copy of the New York Times this morning, I was happy to see that the Denver Three are not only getting some press attention in their attempt to find out who in the White House was behind this unrighteous, unconstitutional move, but also that some politicians are finally beginning to help the Three as well.

As I continued to read, I noticed the following photo of the Denver Three in the Times:

Well, holy schmoly. That’s our bumper sticker that triggered the whole kerfuffle:

I didn’t know at first exactly how to feel about this. Should we be proud that by supplying a bumper sticker of principled protest, we helped set off a chain of events that caused trouble for three very nice people? Well, yes, actually, I concluded; upon reflection I am a bit proud that we helped in a very minor and indirect way to bring the Potemkin village idiocy of the Bush administration to light. I admire very much what the Denver Three has done to make lemonade out of their sour-lemon experience. I’m tickled that we supplied one of the lemons.

The Denver Three are continuing in their efforts to bring the real evildoers here to light. But they’re running their operation on a shoestring and could use your help. Please consider sending a donation their way.

In response to requests, we’ve added two new boards to the Irregular Times Discussion Forum: Culture and Humor. Have at it!