It started with Congressman Gary Condit’s intern, and sailed through Laci Peterson, then hit new highs of absurdity in the story of that runaway shoplifting bride from Georgia who went to play the slots in Vegas: In the 21st century, cable television news seems to be defined by nothing so much as its obsession with missing people. This week, the breathless coverage is of the story of a missing teenager in Aruba.
Why do the cable news channels report on these missing people so much? It’s clearly not in order to serve the public interest. These stories don’t have any impact on the lives of anyone but the few people who personally know the missing persons. The details of legislation going through Congress do matter, because they impact the lives of hundreds of millions of people. However, analysis of legislation requires thinking, and the producers of cable news shows have concluded that the American people don’t want to think. They want to be entertained. So, fill up air time with stories of missing persons, taking journalism down the road of soap operas, with repetition of sordid details every hour on the hour.
“It’s not at all yet clear where this young woman has gone, but people who saw her last night report that she was wearing a very short skirt. Here we have a model recreating how she would have appeared in that skirt while dancing…”
Well, who am I to complain when the news does such a good job entertaining people? In fact, I’d like to make a suggestions to cable news producers that they expand upon their current missing persons success to focus on an area of great potential entertainment that has so far gone completely unexploited: Missing objects.
Forget the depressing news about how more and more instances of torture by the American government are being uncovered. Get rid of anything having to do with foreign countries – Americans don’t care about people who talk funny. Instead, I want to see 15 minutes every hour devoted to updates on missing objects.
Frank Hertzbarger in Jackson Hole, Wyoming can’t find his car keys, and he’s got just 30 minutes to get his kids to that Star Wars matinee, so get your TV journalists on the case to uncover the backstory. Mrs. Hertzbarger is refusing to take a lie detector test, so speculate about all the reasons that she must be guilty, and trying to hide something… like ritual satanic child abuse, maybe. Has Mr. Hertzbarger been frequenting local strip joints? Perhaps he’s just afraid to admit that he left the keys in dancer TanyaDee’s back seat, and came up with this whole story as a cover. Show exclusive footage of the lapdance during primetime! Have your camera crew follow the kids to school the next day!
Then there’s the case of the missing stuffed animal in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. Little Timmy can’t find his teddy since he had a birthday part last week. Profile all of Timmy’s little toddler friends. Do they have secrets in their past? Are they all potty trained? Or is it just that Timmy’s mommy is an inadequate housekeeper who can’t keep her son’s toys in order? Interview a priest from the local church about how parishoners are praying for the safe return of Boo-Bear. Have an hour-long call-in segment with psychologists who discuss the personality profiles of serial stuffed animal killers.
We could even have a new special color coded alert for these stories: Code Beige. Just think of the nifty computer visuals news directors could come up with for that! Don’t be shy: Fortune favors the clueless, especially when it comes to TV news. The American people are hungry for it, and isn’t that excuse enough?
i’m not as sure we get what we ask for , i’m thinking we get what the vast left wing media is allowed ( by the wink and nod of their vast right wing owners) to show us. and that’s “scare em’ tactics” that allow them to take advantage of peoples fears. in so many ways…
Our toxic culture has been well documented by the people over at Adbuster’s. They’ve been trying to get people to stop watching the damned things for a week each year. That doesn’t seem like much to ask, does it? Yet the American people are lulled, due to constant use since birth for most of us, into actually becoming addicted to this predigested mind-pap, substituting it for baby-sitter, companion, mind-vacation, and brain rotting “entertainment”. No wonder our population is so “intelligent” and asleep that we let shithead lead the country TWICE down the tubes (in so many ways . . .).
Welcome to the Second Mellenium. What was once called propaganda is now news…We will tell you The Truth…No…No..don’t look over there…WE will tell you what the truth is…what you see is wrong…
Believe US…Believe US…
I can’t stand soap operas…
I can only paraphrase the late L. Frank Baum: “Pay no attention to those people behind the curtain”.