It sounds weird, I know, but it’s enough to make me think twice about snorkeling in the Caribbean Sea this winter.
Escaped Caribbean Military Dolphin Assassins!
It’s almost like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but it’s for real this time. Word is out that bottlenosed dolphins trained to kill by the United States military were swept out to sea by Hurricane Katrina, and have yet to be recaptured.
The dolphins may be equipped with special toxic dart guns, and were taught to shoot terrorists with these darts in order thwart attacks against the United States. The trouble is that none of the rocket scientists in the military thought to equip these dolphins with foolproof Bad Guy Detectors, so the dolphins could attack any snorkeler or surfer in the Caribbean. Bottlenose dolphins are fast swimmers, so these Pentagon-trained underwater killers may even move beyond the Caribbean before long.
Experts who are familiar with the program to teach dolphins to kill say that as many as 36 may be AWOL. So, if you’re enjoying a Caribbean vacation and you see a dolphin swimming towards you with a funny-looking harness around its body, make for shore!
This story has the potential to be like the Abu Ghraib scandal, but with fins. Consider it a real-life parable about the unexpected risks of Homeland Security.
You’d have thought that, by now, we’d have learnt to leave animals out of it!
NEVER goes well.
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