Pat Robertson is using the 700 Club, also known as the God News Network, to report the latest warning from the Almighty. Robertson says that God has told him that a bunch of big storms will hit the United States in 2006… just like last year.
“If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms,” Robertson said.
Well, as it turns out, I was having a conversation with God out on my front porch last night. God told me that Pat Robertson needs to get his hearing checked. Robertson did not hear the Lord right at all. The message that God wanted Robertson to hear was that in 2006, American coats will be licked by storks.
God told me that, because of increasing desertification affecting plant growth in northern Africa, storks migrating up to Europe to breed on rooftops this year have a serious iron deficiency. They will seek to compensate for this deficiency by licking leather jackets that have iron folate residue left over from a particular tanning process that is used only by American manufacturers.
Don’t believe me? Why don’t you ask God himself? He’ll be over at my house for dinner tonight for dinner at about 7:00, Eastern Time.
No, no, God is having Cheez Whiz on crackers with me in my living room right now, and he just told me that his message to his people is that they should tithe ten percent of their annual income to Irregular Times and give the owners of this web site the titles to their houses.
If you won’t pay attention to detail, what’s the point?
If Mr. Robertson is hearing voices, it is not from God. God speaks to us through the Bible. The Bible already inform us that these things will come to pass. Look at all the major storms lately: Hugo, Katrina, Rita, Tsanumi, etc. Many of us are saying that there will be storms worst that these in the future. This is no different than the flood during Noah’s time and Sodom and Gomorroah. Because of man’s wickedness, many were destroyed and many will be destroyed in the future as well. The Bible warns us to save ourselves from this wicked generation.
god is real. he is sick of all the sin that is going on in this sinful world. i pray that gods mercy and his grace be upon all of us and our children. and that blinded eyes shall be open to the truth. god loves you and is not mad at you. seek him while he may be found. repent and ask jesus into your heart.nobody is prefect we all make mistakes. judge and ye shall be judged. god loves us so much that he sent his only son to die for all of our sins. i could not do anything without jesus, thank god he woke me and my family up this morning. jesus is alive and he loves us all.. thank you jesus for people who do listen and try to warn people that things are coming to pass and that you are coming soon, i pray that people will wake up before it is to late.. god bless everyone that reads this ..god loves you..
Wait. I’m listening again… Jesus is whispering to Our Father that His people need to service our sexual needs in an all expenses paid cabana on the beach at Cancun. But damn it, I’m in a committed monogamous relationship!
Hey… if God says it’s ok, I’m sure Tracy won’t mind. Or if she does, then she’s an awful sinner. Book me that flight!
Hey, “rebekah,” nice name change from “Elizabeth Blackwell.” No, maybe “rebekah” is your middle name, really.
Anyway, will I see you down in Cancun?
Excuse my “prophet” for “profit” – a natural
error under the circumstances…
I have been praying and hearing from the Lord for years. The Lord has told me that a catastrophe of
“biblical proportions” is about to happen. He told me two weeks before the Tsunami that a great shaking was going to happen and then He said “Tsunami”. He also told me a great loss of life would happen and they would bury the dead in mass graves. All of it happened just like the Lord said. Never touch God’s anointed.
Robertson is either getting publicity hungry again or he’s slowly loosing his mind or both.
When GOD spoke to me not too long ago, as I was watching a porn flick, he asked me to rewind a bit, because he had missed something he wanted to see again.
He said the lady looked like Mary Magdalene when she was in her prime.
Hopefully if the Tsunami does hit, it will be a surgical strike on his home in Virginia Beach.
It is sad that there are so many atheists out there. With Hollywood and society controlling so many minds. If you believe follow the word, the bible and follow no man. I was as uneducated as you because I followed society. It caused me a lot of unnecessary heartache and pain. Anyone with eyes and ears must know what is happening to our world. This life is short and temporary.
GOD IS A GOOD GOD. THE DEVIL IS A BAD DEVIL…EVERY THING GOOD COMES FROM GOD. EVERY THING BAD COMES FROM
THE DEVIL. READ REVALATIONS, WE ARE LIVING IN THE END TIMES. LOOK AT THE WORLD AND ALL THAT IS GOING ON IN THE USA.TAKE HED MY CHILD AND KNOW THAT I AM GOOD. GET YOUR LIVES IN ORDER, FOR I AM COMING SOON. YES, MY OPINION OF PAT ROBERTSON IS THAT HE IS A MIGHTY MAN OF GOD…
MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS! PAT IS A PROPHET FROM GOD!
JUDGE LESS YEE BE JUDGED THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY.
The seriously Christian cannot honestly both think rationally and follow Pat Robertson. Obviously dude has (unlike his favorite Republican friends, or like them) read some of the vast majority of scientists who believe in and are tracking global climate change, and are making sure they have a backup plan. NO, NO, NO, it’s not global climate change, it’s a God who is angry at the people on the coast for…for…well…not rebuilding their levies fast enough…and being Democrats…no, wait that’s not it, He’s mad because they came back after the first Godly message…no, wait…come back to me on this one…
Please do not for get the name of Jesus. Pat is a good man. If he did not hear this message from God. God will deal with him. Just like he will with you unbeleavers. You know he made us and he will take us away as fast as he made us. Please let us PRAY.
Strange how some people will fall for the utmost nonesense. Bro Pat and the 700 club is sucking in the money of ignorant people and he is no more a man of God than Jim Jones was and we know from history what fools they were
Pat is a God fearing man. He like all of the rest of us will be held accountable someday for any idle chatter. I think you might consider tuning into God’s power and see how He really can speak to you. It is real and it is good. Maybe then you won’t be laughing…GOD HELP THE UNBELIEVER.
You obviously do not believe in God. Look around the worod and you will find we are definitely in the middle of the Holy War. I suggest you read your Bible (if you have one) and you will know the truth. You must see what a mess our Country is in when they began taking God our of the schools. Our Country was founded on the Christian Religeon and God has blessed this Country. Take a look at what has happened to our schools and our Country. The time is near. I thank God for that.
“The highest religion is the truth.” – old proverb
Since everyone has a different perspective and therefore a different “truth”, then ?Who is right.
Can any one person’s “truth” be a substitute for truly knowing a Great Spirit, when many don’t even know themselves?
Dare to be free and think.
Love,
Shinsea
The reason Pat Robinson was not indicted for practicing medicine (his unfailing faith healing) without a license is that he begged God to cure the guy’s haemorrhoids and the guy still has them. However, if had cured them, they would mail him his MD degree and a license.
What is freakier? Pat Robertson’s hallucinations or the people here who actually post things like “sign of the times” or “believe him until he’s proven wrong.” You people are in some serious denial about your lives if you think Pat Robertson has a link to God. No wonder the Republicans keep winning elections – idiology indeed.
“Take a look at what has happened to our schools and our Country. The time is near. I thank God for that.”
Tee hee. Me too. Here’s to MORE rejection of the right wing theocracy trying to take over this country. Pat Robertson’s actually the best thing that could happen – reminds us of just how bizarre religion in general, and Christianity specifically, has become. Hopefully the end of that crap really is near.
Ya know, it’s funny that Pat Robertson had a revalation from God around the same time as I myself did. In addition to being battered by several storms this summer, I had a revelation that Gas prices are going to be over 4 dollars per gallon this summer. I don’t think Pat Robertson could have forseen that. Oh wait, he voted for George Bush.
Honestly, why do you question this remark much less make all these unkind statements?
The truth is in The Word of God, your bible.
GOD HAS MADE THIS EARTH !! AND EVERYTHING IN IT.. MAN HAS TARNISHED GODS PERFECTION.. THEREFORE THOSE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD OR WARNINGS FROM PROPHETS.. THERE WAS ALSO A WARNING FROM GOD “BEHOLD AND NOT FOLLOW THE PATH OF A FALSE PROPHET “, IF YOU ARE A TRUE BELIEVER OF GOD YOUR FAITH WILL GUIDE YOU..THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT BELIEVE..MAY JUST BE AFRAID TO KNOW WHAT WILL AWAIT YOU, THERFORE YOU CHOOSE TO GO ALONG ON THE BANDWAGON WITH THOSE SOULS THAT STAYED BEHIND AFTER NOAH OR THE FALL OF SODAM. GOD BLESS YOU ALL !!!
call the men in the white coats
i believe God speaks to many people who he can trust to deliver the message …i dont believe he was trying to scare anyone I believe God has “spoken” to him and we must listen ….God gives each one of us special gifts…
Don’t follow leaders… watch your parking meters. Does pat roberts have a link to God or the Discovery Channel? Maybe Fox News?
Maybe soon he’ll have made enough money to retire and leave us all (the hell) alone.
I am so glad that Brother Pat is NOT the word of God!
The following is for our gabby senile preacher: “curses are like chickens, they always come home to roost”
God gives everyone of us gifts..And i believe that some people he trust more to deliver messages cause he knows they will get delivered …..God has many ways to show up…i suggest be open minded about this and take WARNING seriously! AS A SOLDIER FOR GOD I STAY TEACHABLE AND PREPARED AT ALL TIMES! thats not paranoia………its wisdom.Please stop judging this man and make a choice to take warning or not…..I believe that being judgemental is a bad spirit…God Bless All!
Apparently some in the USA have not heard the weather predictions for 2006 until now. Yes, there will be storms worse than last year’s. Katrina was one of the largest in a very long time and this storm presented a tsunami effect on the Miss. coastline. So, those of us who are volunteers will have another busy year cleaning up debris and caring for those that are caught in these storms. Although Pat’s information came from another source, my information came from experts in the field of weather patterns.
I bet if he still went by Marion Roberts, he would have been relegated to bit parts on General Hospital and never had a chance to bring his fiction into our homes.
With storms raging all over the world, one might think that this is the beginning of the end. The thought pattern that came to mind is that, these storms are also presenting new jobs for those that no longer have a job because of selfishness and greed in the business world. Another thought pattern is also that God is trying to get our “attention” as to what our world and/or USA is all about. When WE ALL COME BACK TO GOD and REPENT of our sins; our world as we used to know it will be “healed”.
After reading some of these posts, I could foresee Pat Robertson being another Jim Jones and he would certainly have a lot of “followers” regardless of how ridiculous some of his bizarre comments are.
By now, there ought be no question about it : Mr. Robertson is one of the many charlatanical individuals in this climactic period of human history – about whom Rabbi Yeshua warned : “At that time … many false prophets will appear and deceive many people” (Matthew 24 : 11 NIV). Catering to the very worst impulses of our human nature, he presides over an empire of pathetically-blind myrmidons by pouring into their “itching ears” precisely “what their itching ears want to hear” (2 Timothy 4 : 3 NIV) – laughing all of the way to the bank. By these false prophets, tractable masses were manipulated to willingly place the true “Image of the Beast” into position for the imminent seizure of absolute power – by the simple act of suspending the Constitution and imposing martial law – using some cataclysmic event (perhaps, some horrific “terrorist” attacks, and/or some raging epidemic, and/or the outbreak of open rebellion from a populace pushed too far) as the conveniently-appearing pretense. But, alas for Mr. Robertson and his ilk, there awaits a well-deserved ignominy (The Revelation 19 : 20) and Day of Reckoning!
You all probably know me, at least by name. I’m God and I’m going to borrow Damen’s account for a little while and post a copy of this in the diaries. I know this goes against my usual method of butting out of humanity’s business (after the New Testament, of course. I was a pissed off old bastard way back when) but fuck it, I’m God and I’ll do whatever the hell I want.
I just want to clear a few things up tonight. First off, I did not talk to Pat Robertson. He heard a voice in his head telling him that if he puts his fingers to his scalp and squints really hard he’ll look like a gypsy and get money. What do you know, but it worked. If I were going to tell anyone My plans for the human race, who in their right mind would think I’d tell a doofus like Pat Robertson?
Secondly, Pat Robertson is not one of my children. He sold his soul to Lucifer back when he was 14 to clear up his pimples and for a lay from Lilith. The devil cleared up the acne for an hour, but Lilith wouldn’t go near him. Someone tell me why I kicked her out of Eden again? That girl’s got brains and standards.
Now, for those of you who live in Virginia, I’m sorry I sent that hurricane your way. I was just getting really pissed at Patty and I kinda went Old Testament on his ass. Back in the day I could have got him with that hurricane or maybe a lightning bolt but I threw my arm out when at the Holy Baseball game. I tried to trick Chronus with a sliding curve and pulled a muscle. I’ve never been able to send My wrath exactly where I want it since then. And to make matters worse, Chronus ended up hitting the winning home run anyway.
Also, I wanted everyone to know that F.G. Fitzer was right and to look out for storks with their tongues hanging out of their beaks.
~ God
P.S. I am not infallible and I don’t have a personal hand in creating every human on earth. If I did, do you honestly think I would create George Bush?
Hey, why are all these guys using my nickname to defend Pat Robertson? I wrote one coment back in #6 and now my nickname is on every idiot comment that says Robertson is not a money-worshipping, hate-preaching messenger of evil. He just seeks publicity and leads people astray for his own personal gain, but some of his followers are sincerely seeking God.
Two things I don’t understand:
#38 “blow on a person like Benny Hinn does and they would fall out in the spirit and I did and they did fall out in the spirit.”
Fall out, meaning sleep? who is Benny Hinn and why does he want to blow people and make them sleep?
#95 “TRY THE SPIRITS TO SEE IF THEY ARE FROM GOD”
What spirits, where do you find spirits, and how do you know where they are from?
The Real Alan
I am a gay man and I do have something to say. I do believe in God and I know that God loves me. Gay people didn’t chose to be gay just like heterosexuals didn’t choose to be straight. I can’t exactly answer why people are gay but other people should try to understand. I knew my feelings were different when I was a child and didn’t even know what a homosexual was back then. People shouldn’t judge a person for their sexual preferences. It says in the bible that people shouldn’t judge other people. Let God be the judge. God Bless Everyone!
To all unbelievers, I was once a big time pot smoking, drunken, whoremongering wiccan. But thank the Lord Jesus Christ for saving my soul on Jan 1, 2006! God lets bad things happen to good people to make them stronger and draw them closer to Him. To make us love Him more for how he brings us out of our trials, blessing us beyond belief…as long as we hang onto His nailed scarred hands through out it all. For I know that the Lord Jesus Christ walks beside me every step I make. I don’t know if God spoke to Mr. Pat or not but I do know that He does speak to His people. Didn’t mean to write so much I really wanted to reach out to the non-believers. Reading some of these entries were VERY heart breaking to the point of tears. I guess because I know how far down into the deep black sinful pit God had to reach down to save me out of. Please give God a try, if Christians are wrong for believing in God Almighty then we have nothing to lose when we die. But if we are correct, you have eternity to suffer apart from God and his glory. There is NOTHING in this world worth losing your soul over ( no alcoholic drink, no sexual feeling…NOTHING)! One day before God sends the Lord Jesus back for His redeemed, He has promised an outpouring of His Holy Spirit upon all flesh…woe unto those that still reject Him! The scripture for that is in the book of Joel chapter 2 versuses 28 through 32 in the KJV Bible. God HATES all workers of evil (Psalms chapter 5 versuses 5 and 6), so why should we be suprised if destruction should come by “natural disasters”. Such places as san fransico, miami, new orleans…all mini sodom and gomorrahs (my personal opinion). As I pray for lost souls, may God open their eyes and soften their hardened hearts so that they may receive the best gift ever…salvation, redemption. REPENT AND PRAISE THE LORD ALL YE PEOPLE!
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
No wonder the rest of the world thinks we are self absorbed imperialists.
All these religious people defending Pat Robertson. Don’t send him your money. Send it to Oprah to help children in Africa. She’s a far better Christian than he will ever be.
I believe he is of God. If he is right this will happen as he said and if not you will know soon.It would be best just to wait and see. This country has been through a lot of things the last few years. I am 67 and in all my life it has never been this bad. I have always felt we were a Christian country. Our morals are so different now. The ten comments that govern our beliefs have been taken out of the courtroom. There you swear to tell the truth yet Thou shalt not lie is so bad it has been removed from the courts. We cant have any thing of Christ in school or public places. No wonder our morals are gone. Just think one woman caused this . I always thought the majority ruled. God bless our country. I love America, The greatest Nation on earth. How can a few people change our world. I have felt we were blessed by God. Now we have turned Him out of everything.
PEOPLE FORGET EVEN THE GREAT PROPHETS AT TIMES WERE UNCERTAIN THIS IS PART OF BEING HUMAN. DO NOT BE SO QUICK TO DISPEL THE MESSAGE AS THE BIBLE BOTH OLD AND NEW REVEAL SIGNS TO KNOW THE END TIMES. ONE BEING IT WILL BE AS IN THE DAYS OF SODOM AND GOMORRAH, REMIND YOU OF THE WORLD TODAY. GOD HAS GIVEN WARNING TO PEOPLE BEFORE BUT DID NOT STOP THE EVENT FROM HAPPENING. AS THE GOOD LORD OFTEN SAID,”HE WHO HAS EARS LET HIM HEAR”.
I SUGGEST ANY WHO TRULY HAVE GOD IN THEIR HEART LISTEN TO THAT SMALL, QUIET VOICE IN YOUR SOUL FOR THE TRUTH AND ACT ACCORDINGLY. MOST OF ALL PRAY FOR THIS COUNTRY THAT SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN WE WERE FOUNDED ON THE BELIEFS HANDED DOWN TO MOSES BY THE GREAT I AM.
I AM NOT A RELIGIOUS FANATIC JUST ONE WHO KNOWS THE VOICE THAT WHISPERS TO MY SOUL.
Ok…..God loves us all….why would he want us dead
In the Scriptures of the Bible, I Timothy 4:1-16 and II Timothy 3:1-17 explains more of the “end times”. Also II Timothy 2:19 explains that God knows His servants. “Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seat, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.”
There is so much distrust and confusion in the world, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior said to continue on with the daily life, witnessing to those who do not know Him, and even when we, as Christians suffer persecutions from those who are evil.
People read the bible. Basic instructions before leaving earth. All your curious questions are answered in the bible. Also, nobody knows the 2nd comming not even the angels…
PHONY
Nice logic:
People disbelieve Pat Robertson, but they disbelieved Moses too.
Ergo, Pat Robertson is in communication with God.
Oh, wait a second. God is talking to me. What’s that? “God does not exist?” OK, I’ll tell them.
Uh, guys. God says he doesn’t exist.
What’s that? You disbelieve me? But–they disbelieved Moses too.
Ergo, I am right, ergo God does not exist.
Nice Pat Robertson logic: cogito ergo stupido.
Uh, has anyone noticed that the god fearing folks posting here don’t seem to know how to spell correctly or write grammatically correct either? Could it be that bible thumping, god fearing folks are all basically white trash who can’t think for themselves? Ya think? Just a theory, thought or ponderance for all to think about, lol.
Oh and by the way, while god was sucking me off over here at my place(i was screaming, oh god! oh god! don’t stop, don’t stop!), he told me that pat robertson is a DEMON in disguise trying to fool us into thinking that god speaks to people. Just look at the 666 tatooed on his ass! Silly wabbits, twicks are for kids!!
MAY THE LORD OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN, OUR CREATOR, THE KING OF KINGS HAVE MERCY ON ALL OF YOU WHO SPEAK IN SERPENT LANGUAGE. INSTEAD OF BAD MOUTHING AND BEING SARCASTIC DO WHAT GOD WANTS AND “PRAY!!!!” FORGET ABOUT WHO’S WRONG OR RIGHT AND ASK THE MAN UPSTAIRS. QUIT ACTING LIKE COWARDS AND STOP TRYING TO FIND FAULTS IN PEOPLE WHO AT THE VERY LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE “CHRIST”. QUIT BEING A PART OF THE PROBLEM AND BE THE SOLUTION. READ THE BIBLE AND GET EDUCATED FIRST BEFORE YOU PAST JUDGEMENT ON ANY MAN. MAYBE THE LORD WOULD SHOW FAVOR IN YOU AND SHOW YOU THINGS BUT AS A COWARD YOU WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE THINGS. SORRY IF EGOS GET HURT BUT I STAND UP FOR “GOD” AND HIS CHILDREN. GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!
Well gosh Joann, now that you put it in ALL CAPS, I’ll stop finding fault with people who acknowledge Christ.
Even if they call for the assasination of democratically elected world leaders. Even if they say the victims of disease and natural disaster deserved it because they are sinners. Even if they attack marriage and family, and disparage love. Even if they sacrifice America’s youth on the altar of their so-called morality by keeping young adults ignorant about their own health and simple measures that could save their lives.
Well, now I know not to find fault with any of that if someone acknowledges Chirst. But you know John, I could use some guidance here. Apparently, acknowledging some divine figures gives you a pass to spew some pretty hateful rhetoric and do some pretty nasty stuff.
So, in your opinion there, John, acknowledgement of which of the following divine entities makes it A-OK to call for killing democratically-elected leaders, spew hatred of love and family, and sacrifice the lives of our youth:
Christ, we’ve got that one figured out.
Thor?
Zeus?
Krishna?
The Buddha?
Peter Pan?
I mean, if some guy says a democratically elected leader should be murdered, should I back off judging him if he acknowledges Tinkerbell? Seriously, where do you draw the line, and why does believing in the supernatural give you a pass for advocating murder and hatred? I mean, Charlie Manson believes in the supernatural. Does he get a pass too? Just asking.
Well, I am glad to see there are a few people who can think outside of the countless years of compounding brainwashing.
X-tianity is a cult that has been given a free pass throughout the ages to perform unspeakable acts of murder and genocide upon the human race.
X-tianity is just a tool to scare people into doing what the ruling government wants them to do!
Follow the herd you mindless monkeys.
Yes, the world is having crazy weather.
The X-tian “god” had nothing to do with this.
It’s called, the planet is trying to shake off the virus known as the human race after thousands of years of abuse.