Some of you may be wondering to yourselves on this, the day before Election Day. You may be asking yourselves, “How Would Jesus Vote? Who Would Jesus Vote For?” Well, we at Irregular Times are nothing if we aren’t useful. To help you Vote With Jesus, we’ve searched through all the campaign contribution records for 2005 and 2006 sitting in the data banks of the Federal Election Commission, noting when someone with the first name of “Jesus” made a campaign contribution, and to whom that contribution was sent.
The results of our definitive Vote With Jesus election research indicates that Jesus contributed $46,385 to Democratic candidates in the years 2005 and 2006, but only $27,508 to Republican candidates.
The implications are clear. To Vote With Jesus, Vote for the Democrat.
Please, Republicans, no hissy fits. I mean, come on: Do you really want to argue with Jesus?
So this couple was traveling in Palestine and they came to a checkpoint between the Israeli-controlled area and the area controlled by the PLO.
‘Where are you going’, says the guard.
‘We are on our way to Bethlehem,’ the man intones. ‘My name is Joeseph and this is my wife, Mary. My wife is with child and we must get to Bethlehem, so the child can be born there’, adds Joseph.
‘And I suppose you’re going to name the child Jesus’, says the guard sarcasticly.
‘Hell, no,’ says Joseph. ‘What do we look like, Mexican?’