Newt Gingrich has pulled out his hectoring lecturer persona to chastise a journalist who wouldn’t play the anticipated part:

Even a crisp Guinness stout can’t chill the note of exasperation coming out of Newt Gingrich’s mouth. “You still don’t get it, do you?” he asks….

The radical realist who defied conventional wisdom 12 years ago by stealing the House out from under the noses of entrenched Democrats now plans a surprise attack for the presidency. “I’m going to tell you something, and whether or not it’s plausible given the world you come out of is your problem,” he tells Fortune. “I am not ‘running’ for president. I am seeking to create a movement to win the future by offering a series of solutions so compelling that if the American people say I have to be president, it will happen.” So he’s running, only without yet formally saying so.

While other potential competitors like Arizona Senator John McCain, former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney build staff and hire consultants, Gingrich revealed to Fortune that he plans to create a draft-Newt “wave” by building grassroots support for his health care, national security and energy independence ideas - all of which he has been peddling to corporate audiences over the past six years. “Nice people,” Gingrich says of his GOP competitors. “But we’re not in the same business. They’re running for president. I’m running to change the country.”

No, Newt, the question needs to be turned around: YOU still don’t get it, do you? Nobody wants you to run for President except the Democrats, because they’d just love to have you as an opponent. Independents figured out long ago that you are not moderate, and Republicans find you just plain embarrassing — someone who left his first wife to run off with his mistress while that first wife was in the hospital with cancer, and someone who left his second wife to run off with an another intern, lecturing the country about moral imperatives? Someone who was driven from office in shame telling us all what a strategic genius he is and how the rest of us “still don’t get it”?

Oh, that’s just rich, and more than a little bit sad. He clearly doesn’t yet realize his role as the punchline of the 1990s. But that’s all the better for those of us who don’t want a Republican elected in president in 2008.

So if you’re googling yourself and you’re reading this, Herr Doctor Professor Gingrich, just ignore what I’ve written above and focus your beady little eyes on this: Yes, Newt, oh yes, please, please run. Oh, yes, you are the smartest of smarty pants. Even your zipper is smart. You deserve to be president, Newt, oh, yes you do! Don’t pay attention to those people who tell you otherwise. They’re just player haters who don’t understand your special place in history. Run, Newt, run! Pretty, pretty, pretty please.