Santa Claus Running for President in 2008!

The speculation, triggered by his yearly visits to the early primary states New Hampshire, Iowa and South Carolina, that Santa Claus would run for President in 2008, has been confirmed. In a press conference held early this morning, Santa declared, “I wanted to wait until my Christmas duties were properly completed, and to consult with the elves, but I can now say that I have formed an exploratory committee that will set the groundwork for my campaign for President of the United States in 2008.”

Santa Claus has a populist appeal, and political connections that include many years of lavishing expensive gifts on prominent politicians, including many members of Congress and countless local political party leaders. Yet, Santa has yet to declare which political party affiliation he will run under, if indeed he will run for the nomination of a political party at all. Anonymous sources suggest that Santa has been testing the waters of a write-in candidacy orchestrated through a grassroots letter writing campaign network. “Mr. Claus has the demonstrated ability to get supporters, especially young Americans, to write hundreds of thousands of letters every year, expressing their desire for change starting in the home,” said one pointy-eared aide.

In the wake of Santa’s announcement, many were left wondering if Santa Claus is legally qualified to run for President. Is he an American citizen? Many supporters of other presidential candidates point out that Santa Claus is rumored to have been born in Europe, though stories of which country Santa was born in differ widely, suggesting that the stories of his European birth are apocryphal.

Some point out that Santa might be a person without a country, especially given that belief in Santa Claus characters seems to predate Christianity, and has a shamanic element that seems tied to reindeer cultures across the northern rim of the Eurasian continent, as far east as Mongolia and Siberia. Santa Claus may even have roots in an ancient drug cult. Support from right wing evangelicals is sure to wither if these allegations gain much traction.

Santa’s supporters say that his nationality of birth is irrelevant, given that he was already alive at the time of the American Revolution of 1776. They claim that there is a special exemption in such cases, though constitutional scholars are still parsing out the details.